For those with children...Question

Have you told your children about your diagnosis?

I have 4 children...ages 4,5,14&15. Obviously the little guys wouldn't be told yet, but I'm wondering if I should explain things to my older 2. The reason behind this is so that they understand things...like I honestly don't remember that conversation, saying that, etc....everyday stuff

Thoughts?

Why do you think 4 & 5 is too young to be told? I would absolutely tell them. Children that age not only are very alert, but also they tend to think everything is about them. "Mommy being inconsistent must mean I am bad! I must be good for Mommy."

You keeping this from them may be you re-enacting an aspect of what was done to you in your childhood, that contributed to the harm you received.

I have not explained to my children in any detail what causes DID but they do know that I have DID and in general how this affects them, here and now. They know that sometimes I am not me, I am someone else ... who is also one of us, part of our family. They watch The LEGO Movie and they totally get that Good Cop/Bad Cop is a multiple just like their mommy.

I have had to do the most explaining about Alter 5's other man, because I talk so much about him. The children have classmates and friends whose parents have broken up "over" other people, so have needed me to explain how this man fits in our lives and reassure them that I am not going to leave them.

I've wondered about this a during and since my recent hospitalization. When I've been in the hospital before, my parents have told them that I couldn't take the stress of their misbehavior, which we've talked about a lot in times since then. Last time I guess they were told I was sad.

On the trauma unit, though, I've learned more about my abuse and I know I'm going to have to make some, at least, small changes in the family structure. I makes me absolutely rageful when they refer to my sister as AUNT Gretchen. They're going to find, as time goes by, that we don't see her anymore, but I'm not sure if or how to explain that to them. They may also find that they spend less times with the grandparents and my brother, but I'm not sure if or how that wil happen.

At least on days when things arent overly stressful, I usually manage to front around my kids, or make up some good reason why I need to be alone...I'm tired, or I need to work on the computer. I've also been pretty good so far at hiding the burn scars so I don't have to answer questions about that. They are 9 and 11 years old. They both have ADHD, My daughter has ODD, and my son has attachment issues as well as CP (which he has major surgery for next week) They were both adopted out of foster care and I'm not sure how well my baggage is going to affect them in addition to that which they brought of their own... but I can tell you that 41 is too old to finally find out about the family secrets. I do know, however, that fragile as they are right now, I don't want them to start taking on a care-taker role with me, nor do I want them to try to relate to me by acting like they have other characters inside.

I'll finally get to see my therapist next Tuesday. I guess it's something I'll need to talk over with her.

GKOKD wrote:When I've been in the hospital before, my parents have told them that I couldn't take the stress of their misbehavior

What a horrible, damaging thing to say to any child! Your parents are highly toxic! I am so sorry.

GKOKD wrote:41 is too old to finally find out about the family secrets.

By most accounts that age would be on the young side.

Are your children in family therapy? Have they ever met your therapist? That might be helpful.

My experience, i rather not have my children be told anything. Are u talking about Dissociatve identity disorder diagnosis? My children have heard a switch and started calling me other names, that i dont remember telling them since i been in treatment! I told my children, i have 4, as long as you recognize my face then mama is still my name same rules and stuff apply. Now im debating with my older two to ask me stuff again or just give me gentle reminders on stuff just in case. I didnt even explain why i needed reminders. Ive found that adults either my treatment therpist or support group person will give me reminders then i am constantly on edge cause here come some other reminder then i hang on they every word cause were not quite sure what was missed. My amensia isnt that bad everyday!

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts.

I'm 40, newly diagnosed with DID and am still finding stuff out. It's not fun but will hopefully lead us to a brighter tomorrow....at least that's where we are at today....at this moment.

I decided to tell my two older children, 14 and 12, that I was diagnosed with DID and what is was. We actually had them come into a session with my husband and T and had the T talk with them. For us it has been very helpful. There is no way I could have hid my symptoms of DID or PTSD from them over these months. My two younger children, 10 and 8, have not been told. My husband has talked to them, but I'm not sure what he has said. I would like to talk to them about it, but not sure how to approach it with these two. I feel bad because I sometimes catch their eyes and can see how confused they are.

Phoenix5 wrote:Have you told your children about your diagnosis?

I have 4 children...ages 4,5,14&15. Obviously the little guys wouldn't be told yet, but I'm wondering if I should explain things to my older 2. The reason behind this is so that they understand things...like I honestly don't remember that conversation, saying that, etc....everyday stuff

Thoughts?

No and i don't plan on telling them they are in that sensitive preteen to teenage. Tey have enough to worry about. They just know I forget things.