I'm getting ready to be discharged in the next couple hours

I'm at PIW which is reportedly one of the best inpatient Trauma Centers in the country. It's in DC. This would be great if everything was falling together for me. Inside, I'm doing well. I've met a couple new alters, found out about the preceding abuse and my aggressive alters have been writing, drawing, and sometimes talking. This has all been hard work, but I feel I'm ready to continue the work with my outpatient therapist now. In addition, my son has major surgery on the 24'th which I promised him I would be there for, and pre-opt blood work on the 22'th which I need to take him to in Baltimore. I bit to look forward to but nothing I can't handle, right!
*TW*
Well, a couple days I had phone therapy with my therapist and my mother. My mother told her that I've been mentally ill for 20 years and that she doesn't believe I'm capable of making good decisions for my children. She and my Father and Step mother've been working with DSS to get control over my children taken from me.

I've called DSS and confirmed this. Apparently my Mom also gave them the "mentally ill for 20 years" story because the lady told me that if she knew this about me then, she wouldn't have let me adopt them out.

No court case has been filed yet, but I called legal aide and my case will be reviewed to assign me a lawyer maybe next week.

I found a friend to pick me up today so I Wouldn't have to ask my Mom and hear about what a burden I am.

In the mean time, since my traumas occured within the family and I can't keep my parents to return my kids to me, I've had to make some decisions about the care of my kids during my son's surgery, so I guess I'm just going to have to get Sara's school work ahead of time and taker her with me. I don't have anyone else that she knows to leave her with.

I 've tried to make a followup appointment with my t, Mary, but the agency has been saying that I need to go to an IOP before returning. There is only one IOP in the area and it is designed to help the mentally handicapped and recent addicts. It is more harm than help. My Social Worker has been on the phone with them over and over again and they won't budge. The first time I called, I did get an appt sometime in October from the office staff, so I guess I'll have to go with that.

I knew I'd have to draw some lines with my family when going home, but now I feel like I'm going home to a family that doesn't need/want me, a DSS that doesn't think I'm a suitable parent and a therapist (the only trauma therapist I've found in the area) who acted like I could trust me before I left, but doesn't want me back.
...and I feel like my Mom is agreeing with my sister who wrote a letter two years ago to me saying that she blames the state for placing to special needs kids with one mentally ill adult. My sister said if I really loved my children I would put them in foster care and kill myself to relieve everyone else.

I'm facing more than I feel I'm ready for, but I see know other way but through it, without driving home how incompetent a parent I am.

KK

What a difficult homecoming ahead of you. i am impressed that you have accomplished so much during your inpatient time. Believe in yourself. Try not to internalize your family of origin's and therapist's hurtful words and actions and just act to get the most rational, sane outcome for your children and you. I hope there will be many unexpected bright spots, and I bet there will be, in addition to being with your children again. Wishing you the best!

Hello GKONKD, welcome back! I'm glad to hear things are doing better inside . Hopefully things on that front will be alot better from now on . I'm really sorry to hear about the mess with your T and your family. I really hope it all comes out okay!

I made it home. I've had the kids home since Thursday afternoon, contrary to the wishes of my parents. Today we drove around and picked up (I hope) the last of their belongings. And then went "dumpster diving" because I don't subscribe to any adult magazines and I've gotten the kids all excited about making a giant collage with me. Yesterday was Friday, so it was the first "game night" the kids and I have had in about a month and a half. We played pictunary and laughed a lot.

The main problem I have is that I'm exhausted. All I want to do is lay down and rest, but there is so much to do. The house is dirty. The laundry is just calling my name and I've got to take Donnie to Hopkins on Monday for his pre-opt exam and then I can see my T on Tuesday before leaving Sara with my Mother and Taking Donnie back to Hopkins for his three days of surgery and recovery. Then I come home with him in a wheel chair. I've set up a downstairs bedroom for him, but I've still got to get him in and out of the house (just about 4 steps) without a ramp. Looking on the good side, he'll probably be in a drugged stupor from the pain meds,so maybe I can rest along with him!

Thanks for your care and concern. It's meant a lot to me. I didn't have my cell phone in the hospital, just occational use of the internet, and it was so good to know that I had friends out there in the real world who cared and would continue to be a support after discharge.

KK

Hi!

I think you have made huge progress. Id give a lot to get into a good trauma unit. Not many people can, IMO you are very lucky.

Being honest, your mother isn't helping out and as for DSS they don't know most people who are 'mentally ill' (Id question if that a real word in this case) raise children very well. In fact its those families that put on an act of sane with an loving outward appearing home TRIGGER WARNING that commit the most atrocious acts against children. Its better your kids be with a person who is getting treatment, who is neither impulsive nor abusive toward children then someone who doesn't have a history only because they are a sane psychopath allowing them to hide their urges to which they act on behind closed doors. END TRIGGER Im sorry for the graphic details but someone getting treatment for DID isn't a threat to children. You kids are lucky in that they are with you.

Your sister is worsening your DID. Such a statement is emotional abuse. Foster care is a place and a subject I don't want to get into, but I can easily say your kids are better being with you.

Hold in there. The fact your getting treatment is all the good in the world. Hopefully something will work out that good for everyone.