Our partner

guilt tripping

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Snaga, NewSunRising, lilyfairy

guilt tripping

Postby skin » Tue Jun 03, 2014 1:58 pm

hi folks, it's been a while since i posted. i just put up a thread in the agoraphobia forum but then i noticed it's been pretty dead for a while so i hope mods don't mind me putting this up in here as well.

trigger warning for self harm**

I haven't posted on this forum for a long time and it has pretty much exclusively been in the DID forum but this is more appropriate here, I think. I've been struggling with going out recently... I have periods of more acute feelings of wanting to stay indoors because the idea of doing stuff outside is overwhelming. Doing a lot of stuff is overwhelming and I start dissociating when faced with the idea of leaving the house... but my partner is being particularly difficult about it and it's really impacting on me. My days are like a rollercoaster right now and I can be okay one minute and a complete mess the next. Generally she is supportive and tries to be patient when I'm freaking out; she does a lot of stuff and I know she feels like it's hard to do all the practical stuff when I'm struggling with it - there's a lot going on and we're about to move house and I know that we're both stressed.

But I don't really know how to handle it when I can't face going outside and she stops talking to me or gets snappy - she does this thing where she says 'I'm going out, do you want to come?' like she's being diplomatic, but if I say I don't feel like I can, she looks annoyed and starts saying how she has to go to the shops and she can't do it by herself. It makes me feel guilty and my anxiety rockets and I feel like I have to agree to come - and then sometimes when I'm outside with her and I'm panicking about being around people or going into shops she says she wishes I hadn't come because it'd have made it easier. But then today I really felt like going to the shops would be too much to deal with and after she asked if I wanted to come I asked where she wanted to go, she said a few shops and I said I don't think I can do it today, she stopped talking to me and banged round the house and didn't say goodbye to me when she left and now I'm here and I am really battling to control my emotions and I've been having lots of self harm urges and intrusive thoughts this past week and I keep zoning in and out of dissociating with strong feelings that I might smash something and hurt myself really badly. I don't know if she sees me on one emotional level when I'm inside and thinks I'm okay because at that moment in time I'm not freaking out so I am okay to go out but I don't know.

I was relatively okay earlier, I was planning on doing some writing but the moment she said that we needed to go out my anxiety levels started rising and I was just watching tv dreading when she would start asking to go out and it almost feels like she's patient when it fits in with what's going on around us, not when it's inconvenient and it's not like wonky mental health is particularly convenient.
skin
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 201
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 5:03 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:38 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: guilt tripping

Postby GeMerope » Tue Jun 03, 2014 2:05 pm

That sounds really tough :\ Wonky health really isn't the most convenient no, especially not when you're living with someone, but you need to remember that your anxiety is not your fault.. The reactions of your partner sound both understandable and unreasonable to me... understandable because i know it can be annoying to want to do things together and being faced with that the other can't do what you would like, but unreasonable because you cannot be blamed for feeling bad and not able to handle something like that.

perhaps try to talk it out when she comes back? or, if you don't feel like you can, try to write down your feelings about it and let her read it, with you there or when you're out of the room. It's important that it gets addressed.. I often find that I can express myself better on paper, also cause it makes it less easy for people to interrupt you. Alternatively, you could also show her the post you wrote..

Best of luck *hugs*
Hiki -original and host, female, 28-
Yuki -protective/teen, female, exat age unknown-
Marvolo -main protector, male, 94-
GeMerope
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Thu Dec 19, 2013 12:46 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:38 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: guilt tripping

Postby Familyof3 » Tue Jun 03, 2014 7:51 pm

we have periods too where we get too scared and overwhelmed to go outside. I wouldn't say we have agorophobia, because it just happens occasionally, but we relate to where you're coming from sort of.
it might be a good idea to have a talk about this with your partner, and say exactly what you said here. She might not be fully aware how much anxiety she's causing you. people can sometimes be painfully oblivious.
~ We are infinite ~
Familyof3
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 682
Joined: Sat Mar 02, 2013 2:46 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:38 pm
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: guilt tripping

Postby Una+ » Tue Jun 03, 2014 9:56 pm

skin wrote:she does this thing where she says 'I'm going out, do you want to come?' like she's being diplomatic, but if I say I don't feel like I can, she looks annoyed and starts saying how she has to go to the shops and she can't do it by herself. It makes me feel guilty and my anxiety rockets

This style of communication would make me anxious too, and being made anxious would piss me off. This sounds like her communication problem, not yours. You know your partner is "asking" but really she means it as a demand. Could you talk to her about that? You could say that when she actually wants or needs you to come with her then you want her to say so. Or you could just ignore her covert signal and take her words at face value, as the kind of direct communication you want from her; let her experience the natural consequence of her covert approach. Meaning, when she asks you if you'd like to come and you don't like to then you are entitled to say no thanks and not take any flak from her about it.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
Una+
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7227
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:38 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 23 guests