We can't orgasm with other people because Jane is triggered by that kind of touch. She hates it, is grossed out by the body getting wet, so she numbs out physically. Things are also complicated by the fact that our uncle was gentle. So we prefer it rough, and Jane feels she deserves pain. Niva has done SSI to Jane on numerous occasions ; Jane never resists... I don't want her to suffer anymore ! It's not like I can convince a child that sexual activity can be nice, but I need to help her to not be triggered somehow so that the rest of us can maybe enjoy it... We talked about this in T; she is beginning to understand that the body only got wet to protect her from pain. She has a hard time comprehending that our uncle was the bad guy, and that she didn't deserve it, and that the body wasn't bad/gross/etc.
Sonja is 12, so she gets uncomfortable/leaves when it gets beyond kissing and holding hands (which she enjoys)... I suppose it's a matter of me staying grounded/up front... but niva does so much of the giving side of sexual activity (she has an insane sex drive), and her and Jane are almost always together (Jane has no sex drive).