by tomboy24 » Tue Feb 26, 2013 9:06 pm
Oh man, that is dissociation to a "T"! Sorry, but you just wrote what I basically experience all the time with Kat, and sometimes with others.
For example, wait, *Possible Trigger Warning*
Ok, for example, Kat was the one who would "deal" with my dad, especially when we'd get into arguments and fights and such. This is because I was usually too afraid to speak my mind, stand up for myself, show my anger, etc., but Kat wasn't. And these were the first times I became aware that I wasn't in control (aka a switch), but later I learned I was remaining semi-co-conscious. Here's what would happen:
Dad and I would start fighting, my anger level would reach a certain point, the "rage" point, I'd feel a wave of rage fill me as if a dam was breaking, sometimes I'd see dark red for a second, and then the next thing I know, I'm basically "watching" myself fight back, yelling and swearing right back at my dad, in a voice that's not mine, with a lack of fear I never have. Sometimes I'd actually feel as if I was watching myself, like an "out of body" experience, other times I'd still feel as if I was in my body, but I knew I had no control over what I did or said. And then afterwards, I'd look back on the memory, and find that I can't remember anything about what was said between my dad and I, or that I couldn't remember details at least, and I couldn't really remember anything clearly except for that rage, although it never felt like my rage, if that makes sense. If nothing else, I'd always remember getting to that rage point, and I'd usually remember everything up until that rage point, but after that rage point, my memory goes fuzzy and it's Kat who remembers everything clearly, because it's her that was out/in control.
*End Possible Trigger Warning*
So, short story long, yes, that is indeed due to dissociation. You don't remember having any sensations because most likely, the sensations felt "belonged" to another alter.
-Cassandra
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |