Our partner

I hide behind my "self"

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Snaga, NewSunRising, lilyfairy

I hide behind my "self"

Postby osiris08 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 4:02 pm

Over the years I have developed a few friends to help protect myself. I have denied their existence for the most part and have pretended that they don't exist. But they do. I don't know if this would be Bi polar, or if it would be Schizophrenia, or what it would be but I have developed several personas that I can switch between when I want. But lately I will switch even if I don't want to. Each one with different stories and personalities. Four completely different people. These four different "friends" or personas are as follows;

Name: Lone Riot
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Name: Emma Griffith
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Lesbian

Name: Emmarella
Gender: Female
Sexual Orientation: Straight

Name: Osiris
Gender: Male
Sexual Orientation: Straight

Each one with different stories and personalities.

I joined this site yesterday with hopes that I can figure out what is happening and how I can fix this.
Why should I be who I am, if who I can become will be so much more interesting?
osiris08
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:03 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 5:23 am
Blog: View Blog (4)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby tomboy24 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 4:28 pm

Hello and welcome! I hope this place is helpful to you! It was nice to read about you all. :D

These threads might be helpful to you:

-- This thread contains helpful resource websites along with organized threads from this site that discuss discovery experiences, common questions, symptoms, dissociative experiences, all about alters, communication with alters, therapy issues, working together to make progress, conflicts between alters, and much more:
- DDNOS/DID Resources thread: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html


-- This thread focuses on the "causes" of DID, DID development, switching/co-consciousness/co-hosting, doubt/denial issues, and has a couple good threads on communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html


Other than that, I think I just want to say that there's nothing to "fix", really. There's things to heal from, obviously, but nothing to "fix". All parts/alters are a part of you, and you are a part of them. You are all parts that make up the same person. DID is developed in childhood and caused by trauma (including extreme stress, and there doesn't have to be abuse), and the interruption/disruption of the personality developmental process. The whole point of a DID system is to help the host/main one "out" in control cope and function while seeming as "normal" and "ok" as possible (hence why it's not usually realized/discovered that one had DID until later in life). The goal of DID is to heal (from trauma). You can do this by staying multiple and becoming a fully-functional, fully-healed, smooth-running team/system, or you can do this by healing and integrating into a whole personality.


-Cassandra
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
tomboy24
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4549
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:29 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 3:23 am
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby osiris08 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 4:35 pm

I am not entirely sure on what half the acronyms or words mean. I am on the DID word meaning and common acronyms page, but I guess I am just learning. I have only spoken with two people about my others. I discovered my first other when I was 11. I may have had one before that, but I don't remember most of my early child hood. I can remember parts here and there but for the most part...

Thank you very much for the direction though. It will definitely help me get started around here. I've got a lot of questions I want to get answered and the day is almost half over!
Why should I be who I am, if who I can become will be so much more interesting?
osiris08
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:03 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 5:23 am
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby tomboy24 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 5:37 pm

You should find just about answers to almost any questions in those two threads. But take your time! DID is full of questions, and they're not all answered overnight! And even when they are answered, it can take some time to process and accept those answers.

Most of the time, there's no obvious signs of DID in childhood until you look back on it after learning more and know what to look for. So many people here have done that and gone "It all makes so much sense now!". I know I've done that many, many times myself.

There's also a vocabulary page on one of the resource websites in the DDNOS/DID Resources thread that could help you out. (Can't remember if it's the first or the second website though, but it's labeled as like, a tab called "Terminology").

I've always heard Kat's voice, but when I was younger, I thought she was just an imaginary friend. But then she didn't go away. My first real awareness of voices started in 6th/7th grade, when I/the body was around 11/12 years old, and then I started realizing they were more than just voices and started calling them "sides" of me (like, "my dark side"), in 9th/10th grade, when I was 14/15 years old. I didn't suspect DID until I learned about it in high school psychology class in 11th grade when I was 16 years old, and then awareness of the sides being alters and increasing knowledge and everything began that same year, and has been increasing and getting better ever since. (And a lot easier to understand!)

Don't be afraid to ask questions (if you can't find the answers in those threads), though!
:D

-Cassandra
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
tomboy24
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4549
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:29 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 3:23 am
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby osiris08 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 6:49 pm

I thought for the longest time that they where just characters I created in a story that I was overly obsessed on developing. I sometimes even wonder if Aaron is just another one of my Alters. At times the five of us are so mixed up its hard to tell who is me and who is them.
Why should I be who I am, if who I can become will be so much more interesting?
osiris08
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:03 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 5:23 am
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby lifelongthing » Sat Feb 02, 2013 7:01 pm

You say you have a lot of questions; don't be shy about asking questions here and making as many posts as you feel you need :) People here are very helpful and understanding :)
lifelongthing
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7991
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:11 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 10:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby osiris08 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 9:46 pm

Most websites and forums I go to end in disaster. Too many people with just make fun of me and tell me I should just go kill myself, when indeed that is not something that I want to do. That is the last thing anyone with any kind of problems needs to hear.
Why should I be who I am, if who I can become will be so much more interesting?
osiris08
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:03 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 5:23 am
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby tomboy24 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 9:57 pm

That certainly does not happen here!! This place is very supportive, understanding, helpful, and safe. :D

-Cassandra
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
tomboy24
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4549
Joined: Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:29 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 3:23 am
Blog: View Blog (3)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby osiris08 » Sat Feb 02, 2013 9:59 pm

I am very glad that I came here. I was referred here by one of my friends. This is the first time I have ever felt free to talk about what it is that I go through.
Why should I be who I am, if who I can become will be so much more interesting?
osiris08
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:03 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 5:23 am
Blog: View Blog (4)

Re: I hide behind my "self"

Postby lifelongthing » Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:02 pm

I can't imagine you experiencing this here at least. This is a very safe and supportive place to share your concerns and thoughts :)
lifelongthing
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7991
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2012 8:11 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 10:23 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: ArbreMonde, PrimePossum and 25 guests