lost memories, DA?

i have a very poor memory of childhood before my teenage years although i do know that domestic violence, a heavy drinking, mentally ill, negectful mother and SA by a cousin [i episode] and family friend did happen. the memories i have are very vague but i have been told a lot of stuff by my family. i`ve done a lot of research on dissociation and have come to believe that it could explain my amnesia for childhood events. want i`d like to know is whether or not these hidden memories could come flooding back at some point. although this terrifies me, i do think it could help to resolve my current issues which are depression, anxiety and addiction. i`ve always felt strangley detached and seperate from the world and wonder if this also could be explained by dissociation. i feel that there are 2 people inside my head, 1 the protector, strong and indestrutable, the 2nd small. weak and defenceless. the protector always comes to the aid of the weak one. i`ve lately started to feel that the strong one is becoming weak and that the weak one will be left alone. what happens if i can`t protect her no more???? who will be there for her? i`m afraid for her, this world is to messed up. are they crazy or is it just me ?????????????????HELP

Hi, meaculpa! Yes, if bad things happen to you, the memories might come back at some point. You might also get triggers that you can't explain or body memories, when your body "remembers" something but your mind doesn't.
You don't have to rush things. Maybe it'll happen when you are ready. Talking about it is good and talking about your feelings is good too. I'm sorry you were abused and that you're going through all this now. But it can get better.
Maybe the little one is your "inner child" who needs protection because of the abuse. You could try to tell her that she is safe when she is afraid. Try to ground yourself and realise that you are not in a bad situation any more and that no one will hurt you.

who do you like more the strong one or the weak one?