Used to being sad

Hey guys,

I probably cried everyday since I was 5 and I think my default emotion is to be sad now. I feel like im so used to it that it's easier to be sad than happy.

Anyways my current problem is that I really have no problem but I still f***ing just want to die. Like...I'm sad because I know that one day my dad will die and it's going to make me so depressed that I don't want to go through it. I'm sad because I feel bad for being alive and doing mean $#%^ to nature even though I am environmentally friendly. I'm sad because I'm bored with my life and I'm only 22. I'm sad because I don't have a girl that I could truly call my best friend.

I'm sad for no reason and I just want to die. I'd never ever kill myself but man I wish I wouldn't wake up I wish I was never born...that's really how I feel. Or I wish I had someone to talk to

Sorry I just needed to get that out. I'm sure noone will respond but have a good day

Hi mm420,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I've been through periods of depression that sound very similar and it feels like it will never end at the time.

Being happy actually takes a lot of work, especially if you have a mental illness. Try to be kind on yourself during this time, and remember that there are many people out there who can relate to what you're experiencing right now.

Take care, and keep writing.

thank you ladyswan

im feeling a bit better today. I'm going to appreciate what I have while I have it instead of being anxious about what will happen.

That's a very good attitude to have

Someone wise once told me that if we take care of the present, the future sorts itself out.

That's a good way to look at things!! I often find I get too worked up about things that don't even happen which is not a good thing.

thanks again

Yup, I'm guilty of that myself sometimes! I have to step back, take a deep breath, and focus on what needs to happen NOW as opposed to 5 steps after, and going through all the worse case scenarios in my head.

mm,

I just wanted to tell you that I can totally relate to what you are talking about. You did very well at describing something that I have found it impossible to explain to people in my life.

I understand how frustrating it is to be living with out any enjoyment in life at all but with lots of worry or dread about the future.
I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better. I still wanted to tell you that you are not alone and that I totally understand where you are coming from.

Alis-Aquilae wrote:mm,

I just wanted to tell you that I can totally relate to what you are talking about. You did very well at describing something that I have found it impossible to explain to people in my life.

I understand how frustrating it is to be living with out any enjoyment in life at all but with lots of worry or dread about the future.
I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better. I still wanted to tell you that you are not alone and that I totally understand where you are coming from.

Hey,

Have you been diagnosed with depression or anything? I was told I'm depressed a few years ago, but I'm starting to wonder what kind of depression it is. I know I shouldn't self-diagnose, but after reading into atypical depression I think it's what I have. Well I think i have clinical depression, atypical depression and maybe soft bipolar.

anyways, thanks for responding, how's your day?

I can feel happy it's just I know it's not for long,,...do you ever feel happy?

mm420 wrote:I can feel happy it's just I know it's not for long,,...do you ever feel happy?

MM,
I was just writing in my journal about how your question got me to thinking.
I'm not in the misery, suicidal depression 100% of the time. I think I can be sort of like the Ben Stein guy on the visene commercials. Just really flat and monotone.

I have been diagnosed with major depression, OCD,and ADHD with Aspie traits.

I feel giddy sometimes but it is for very short bursts and is gone about as quickly as it come. It seems to be connected with nothing in my life. It is not like something great had just happened in order to make me feel that way. Nothing that makes it go away shortly thereafter. I have no idea what that is about.

Alis-Aquilae wrote:

mm420 wrote:I can feel happy it's just I know it's not for long,,...do you ever feel happy?

I have been diagnosed with major depression, OCD,and ADHD with Aspie traits.

I feel giddy sometimes but it is for very short bursts and is gone about as quickly as it come. It seems to be connected with nothing in my life. It is not like something great had just happened in order to make me feel that way. Nothing that makes it go away shortly thereafter. I have no idea what that is about.

Hmmm..do you take any meds for it? You ever read about atypical depression? I think I have that.

I've been writing in a journal for about 5 months now! it's incredible how much it helps and to see how often I am severly sad and my mood swings and stuff like that.

hows your day?