IThe problem is when therapists/psychiatrists keep emphasizing a certain disorder or dysfunction that it becomes VERY depressing. I have had so many diagnoses over the years (many of which were inaccurate) that it lowers my self esteem each time I hear something new.
i can understand, try not to get to hung up on labels though. be more concerned about treating the symptoms your dealing with.
The problem is when I'm naturally neurotic/depressed it's naturally part of who I am
doesn't mean it can't be alleviated. also it sounds like your too used to the depression if you believe it's part of who you are. i'm the same though, and i wonder, if you get happy moments does it feel fake and uncomfortable, like it's not you?
either way, it can be helpful to remind yourself your misery is not who you are.
It can be diminished/controlled - I have been there done that in the past. The problem is that when it isn't I pretty much feel dead inside.
yea i get that too, like anxiety and misery is the only thing you feel, and you feel numb or not much of anything when you don't feel them. it's like the saying "i'd rather feel pain than nothing at all".
Through relaxation, working out hard, therapy, and a deep depression as the result of the death of a loved one, I sank into a deep state of apathy and my adrenaline literally shut off. I was no longer scared of anything. The problem is now that all of these repressed memories and emotions have come flooding back to when I was on antidepressants and the feeling of pre-hypochondria.
sorry too hear. this is something a therapist should be able to help you with. also, how long have you been in therapy and what specific therapy have you been in.
At this point I feel stuck and don't know what to do. Basically I can repeat the entire TAKE MEDS >>> GO THROUGH (HELLISH) WITHDRAWALS >>> EXPERIENCE SEVERE ANXIETY/DEPRESSION >>> HAVE IT EVOLVE INTO HYPOCHONDRIA/INTERNET ADDICTION/ADRENALINE ADDICTION >>> COME DOWN FROM THE STATE OF FEAR GRADUALLY >>> AND START BACK AT SQUARE 1.
why are you so certain that the meds won't work and that you'll eventually get hypochondria.
also have you tried wellbutrin, there's no withdrawals when you get off it.
While I was in the "fight or flight" state of hypochondria and extreme adrenaline, it felt a helluva lot better than being depressed - I thought this would last indefinitely. I was able to overcome it and it was very painful to experience. When I made it through, I felt as though I had conquered the world.
now you just have to work on getting there without the adrenaline.
If there's anything I learned from the experience other than how much my life sucks is that I can expect very sh###y times ahead in my future.
you sound to sure of that. and be careful, the mind is a powerful thing, it sees what it expects, you don't want to create a self-fulfiling prophecy.
I usually try to have no expectations, but the anxiety just creates them for me in my head. I'm already disappointed and basically just avoid all socialization (which is unhealthy and makes me feel lonely). However, the anxiety is literally unbearable - I can NOT take it so I stay lonely vs. actually engaging.
understand. when the anxiety creates them, let it do it's thing as it's not worth attempting to control and try to go in the situation anyways, the worst that will happen is you'll be nervous and may look stupid to some people, but it will get easier over time no matter how hard it is at first.
also it's certainly hard to socialize when your depressed, i know for me sometimes it's not even anxiety it's just a feeling of wanting to be alone, but then i feel really lonely
Tons of things including: 1) Loneliness - I don't want to live alone or be alone for life. 2) Not having any friends. 3) Not having a social job or job that I want due to my mental health. 4) Going through the cycle that I've explained of meds, withdrawals, hypochondria, addiction, etc. It is EXTREMELY PAINFUL. 5) Feeling deeply suicidal all the time.
those are all things that can be fixed though, though i know when your that low it doesn't feel like it, it's just a matter of getting the help you need.
It's what I've always somehow managed to do. The problem is that I feel like I can't learn any life lesson or gain wisdom because I am at the mercy of my genetics. No matter how hard I try or what I do, I know that I will eventually return to homeostasis - a state of natural functioning in which I am: Introverted, Anxious, Mentally Slow, Depressed, Extremely Lonely, and Suicidal.
no matter what your genetics are, the environment plays a big role too. so even if anxiety and depression are in your genes, doesn't mean your doomed.
I guess I can only pray/hope that I end up dead.
why not instead hope and pray you get through this?
Just when I thought that I was going to be depression/anxiety free for life - everything crushed me back down and make me feel ready to die
but the problem is you weren't really depression and anxiety free, if your referring to that adrenaline period. instead of being resolved it was just covered up and waiting to come through again.
I actually was more motivated, in more control, and was able to derive pleasure from certain activities like listening to music/conversations with others.
try to keep those times in mind, as it can give you the feeling of a state to work towards and what it's like to not feel so miserable.
Now I feel so introverted that my mind goes blank during convos. Additionally my income sources have gone way down and I feel trapped there too.
depression is likely the result of that happening during conversations. and you can always make money and work on that kind of thing, but your depression is the thing that needs fixing and will very likely fix those two things as you will have more energy/motivation.
I have Xanax and some other relaxant that he has prescribed, but dislike taking them very much because I don't like feeling drugged up.
yea it's not good to rely on those as it's addicting and some of the worst withdrawals to go through on a drug (unless you taper i suppose). i would save them for the worst of times, like panic attacks.
but the main thing i wanted to say in this post is look into traumatic release exercises
it was developed on the idea that when animals in the wild encounter traumatic experiences, like being chased and almost eaten by a predator, they start shaking and trembling which releases the trauma/stress then they go on with their lives.
so while it was developed for ptsd, it can greatly help anyone and it doesn't require reliving the past or any memories as it releases all the truama/stress through the body.
i don't have any experience with it (hope to change that soon), but i pm'd lily82 to try to get some more details and she claims it's the only thing has helped her BPD. if she responds all forward the message to you if your interested.
also here's her post on it (starts at halfway on the page) borderline-personality/topic83179.html
i'm also trying to find instructions online, but there's a dvd and book by david berceli you can check out
also what can help is subconscious repogramming
http://billyjury.com/subconscious-repro ... er-centre/
it involves things like visualization and affirmations. sounds silly but it supposedly works. so like when you go to sleep visualize yourself being happy and say in your head 'i am happy' even though your not. the idea is doing this daily, overtime your subconscious will start to believe it and work with you to do the things necessary to become happy, instead of working against you.
also check out the ted talk on youtube 'the happiness advantage-linking positive brains to performance'.