Im new here and this is my first post.Im afraid its a massive one,but i hope its at least informative.
I wanted to share my story with people here because i have had such a hard few years, on many occassion death would have been a release and i still hold those thoughts possibly out of habit now.
I wanted to put my story out there for others who may be searching like i was many years ago for the answer but could never find it.
Im very sad to say ALL the doctors even professors were absolutely useless in my diagnosis and tended to prescribe me meds of all kinds probably hoping they get lucky or maybe kill me LOL
Its safe to say if i hadnt self diagnosed and hit the nail on the head with my second attempt i would be in a terrible state now possibly dead in a few years had it continued.
With that said and hoping this is all ok to be saying i will start with my past.
I was always thin and still am all my life.Never able to really put on weight.I was always active into my early twenties(im going on 30 this year).
When i was 21 or so i moved to another city as i had lost my job and family in another big town (Ireland) offered to put me up so i could try get work and a new life going for myself.I had been on a bit of a downer at that time but i wouldnt say it was a big issue at the time for me.I used to brood alot and walk at night as i did so lol.Maybe my way of coping.
Anyway in this new place i got a new job and a new apartment and everything was good.I was out drinking every weekend sometimes on a tuesday nigth and working full time doing a job that gave me alot of exercise.Played soccer with the lads on fridays for about an hour or two and considered myself very healthy,or at least very fit.
About a year or two later i took my christmas holidays and spent my time in the flat chilling out playing online games and watching movies.Thinking back now my diet was terrible! i ate for morning lunch a lunchbox of cereal with sugar and milk!
For main lunch i would eat left over dinner reheated like rice and chile etc.And a take away alot of the time at home.
What happened that winter changed my life forever.
I simply didnt want to go outside,i didnt want to go to work when the time came and i just didnt turn up.No phone call i switched the mobile off and ignored the world as i slided deeper and deeper into a spiral of guilt,depression and generally hiding from the world outside.I must add at this time i had been making a transition from being in a cult like religion(jehovahs witnesses which is my perogative to label for myself,i do not wish to argue that label here) to being to depressed to bother with everlasting life.My depression was so bad i was able to make the choice to never be part of that religion and thus i would not gain this everlasting life i had been conditioned to believe in.I had chosen death be it at gods hand or when my time came.Maybe that is partly why i didnt do it myself,but anyway it may have been something that made the whole thing worse.
After another few weeks like this i had progressed to living on the sofa,totally imersing myself in an online world to keep a reason to carry on living.That game gave me something to do that felt worthwhile believe it or not.And i had good friends on it even speaking to them on teamspeak etc.
Since the sofa in my sittng room was the extent of my safezone the rst of the place was more or less abandoned.I was just about able to go to the shop about 20 seconds down the road but it was a big thing.That was the agoraphobia or what i now believe it was anyway.I felt people were watching me,my hands were shaking,my voice was shaking and when i ran into a friend i used to share a place with before i could see he was totally taken back and shocked to see the state i was in.It must have been bad because my nervousness was making him extremely nervous where he was nearly shaking with his voice! lol
The Darkness i felt on my whole existence is virtually undescribable.It changed me so much and nearly 10years later i am still tryng to recover physically and mentally.
By the way my parents have always been good to me and i have no abuse or anythng that would cause this in my past.My family even tried shouting up to my apartment which i heard but ignored.
Eventually i ran out of money and my landlord came around becuase i hadnt paid rent in about 2 months.
When i had no other choice i eventually phoned my sister to ask if she can take me to a doctor,as my choices were becoming death or kicked out on the street.
A year later i had been on anti depressants(prozac) had also been on anti anxiety tabs for giving me confidence.These kind of helped but i still had that lingering feeling.Also i believe the support of my family was a major help as they took the pressure of the world off my shoulders and i stayed in spain for a year supposedly recovering.
Off course i didnt fully recover.After the year in spain i moved back to ireland.Got a girlfriend and even during a beautiful summers day i remember sitting in a garden as my gf cooked some food and i was still depressed and i didnt have a damn reason in the world to be.
Another year or 2 later im with another girlfriend working away socializing etc but still depressed.Sometimes id just lie down and stare at the ceiling for ages brooding to myself for no reason,feeling confused about my mood etc.
I then developed an issue with hunger!It crept up on me so subtley i didnt notice until i was constantly eating anythign sweet mostly chocolate bars to quench this hunger.I had discovered i got this hunger pang at the top of my stomach even after i had eaten a full meal.And the only way i could get rid of it was anything sweet with sugar.
So naturally i started to think i might be hypo-glycemic which is someone afaik that needs to eat sugar to raise their blood sugar.
People thought i was being silly.My girlfriend didnt believe me and thought i was acting up or something.
I went to the doctor who gave me tabs for an acidy stomach.The professors in the local hospital was a stomach specialist and refused to listen to my symptoms and said "its most likely an ulcer,i will book you in for an endoscopy" and then refused to hear anymore of it wanting to see the next person.
This made me angry as i felt he was simply making a quick buck and being lazy with my diagnosis.
In the meantime my stomach was getting worse.Serious cramps now in my intestines,i was sometimes doubled over on the bed with the pain and my gf was getting me mint tea etc because it seemed like trapped wind or some unsettled stomach problem.
Anyway i was in a really bad state and still depressed but not as bad as when i was 21 i think i may have been takning prozac still at that time,yes i was actually.This may have countered the depression a fair bit.As i was just depressed, but not severely.
Apologies if this story is boring i think some or many parts relevant to various disorders others may have or similar lifestyles.
Im getting there dont worry!
So..After some more googling and reading up on symptoms i came across candida albacans.Of course my girlfriend still thought i was way off and that i was a hypocondriac or something but i was too sick to listen to her about going to another doctor or letting that professor shove a camera down my throat,probably would have told me i have bowl cancer and chemo'd me anyway! :/
For those who dont know about candida its a form of thrush and yeast infection.If you got thrush in your mouth or somewhere else then that is the same stuff as candida in my oppinion.It happens when your immune system is run down and the flora in your gut gets out of balance.That was most likely caused by the diet i had and made worse by the tablets i was taking for the depression and anxiety.Hormoes also cause this to happen like the pill,there are many ways this can happen but the result is the yeast grows and grows it needs sugar or anything that will turn to sugar to multiply and it spreads throughout your body eating your insides.This can get worse if left which was my case.When left long enough it starts to mutate into a fungus which looks similar to cancer its white and sticks to your intestinal wall(infact it looks identical to bowel cancer supisciously enough^^)
It then spreads roots into your bloodstream so it can feed off the sugars which it is getting by somehow stimulating your hunger glands or something.This leaves holes in your insides causeing leaky gut syndrome.When your guts are leaking all sorts of toxins and crap is passing through into your blood which then makes its way into your brain and joints and organs all over your body.
This causes severe depression,confusion,achey joints,cold feet,allergies,skin disorders,anxiety,eye poblems,loss of hair...the list goes on and on and on and on...
It was time to take my own life into my own hands and feck the rest of em.
Here is what happened.
A 2 week fast.Its ment to be a restricted diet but to be honest it feels like there is nothing you can eat during this hard phase.
Nothing that could possibly turn into or contan yeast or sugar,that means ALL carbohydrates are out,anyhting with sugar,milk,flour,starch everything lol
So i was skinny to start with and i lost some more weight.But oh my god! 2 weeks and i wont tell you what came out haha but i will say the darkness cleared! It was gone!
Depression? whats that? it just went away in 2 weeks,i felt strong again no cramps no hunger pangs,no anxiety,i was able to go outside again for more than 20 mins without being terrified i would die of hunger.i used to be near the point of fainting before.
Now i still have damage that is being repaired as its very hard to stick to this diet and considering they reckon for every year you had candida they reccomend a month or 2 of the strict diet.I may of had it since i was 21!! only went on the 2 week diet at age 28.
I am mostly recovered,i still have bad days as i am unemployed and single and i guess it might be a habit to be depressed.
But overall i am watching my diet now.I try to eat mostly protein with fiber and if i eat carbs its complex ones or maybe a little white rice for dinner sometimes a slice of bread.But ye i pretty much fixed it and i have been researching psychology and health topics since.
My point in posting the ridiculously long story is to help effect a real change in a few peoples lives.Possibly this could even save someones life in the long run and that would make me so happy to even help one person avoid what i had and am enduring still.
Warning this does not account for all depression,anxiety and all the other symptoms i wrote about.What id like to say is i really do empathize with those who suffer from clinical depression and any other forms of mental disorder.
Candida is not the cause of all of these in all people.BUT...i have read that in america for example 80% of americans have some form of candida be that right or wrong i think from my story you can see how easy a person can get this just from a bad diet with too much carbohydrates and hormoes etc.
Candida is easily diagnosed, there is a test where you spit into a glass of water when you wake in the mornng(youtube the spit test to see exactly).
The candida or yeast cells multiply about 100 cells per hour i think just to give you an idea.
So for those sitting in a dark room with the curtans closed considering their life and why the hell they should bother trying to fight for it.Please consider first that it really can get better.There is no light at the end of the tunnel infact maybe no tunnel in sight right now.But i promise you it CAN get better.You can do some research and test if you have a similar issue to me.
Even if not i had noticed a good change for the better in my life when i had tablets to get me going...But i stress please dont just go with tabs..If it aint candida then you may or most likely need counseling or some very knowledgable support to get the the real issue.
Either way dont give up,i also have tinnitus from work by the way which causes insomnia and confusion but i have taken my life into my own hands i am my own responsibility and i will always from now on research research! Google everything, use forums and find the answers that the paid professionals sometimes have no clue about.
I am the proof YOU can do it.You may not want to now but the you from the future that is enjoy a certain summers day is going to be really really pissed at you if you cut it short!
I welcome all responses and questions.
As i said im new to this forum and dont wish to be giving medical advice at all.I wanted to share my story and let others know there are others causes for these disorders and they are fixed by a simple dietary change.The worst that can happen to you is you get healthier anyway.
If you know someone who may be over weight and depressed i would highly reccomend researching candida aswell.
I hope this has been usefull.
Thanks for reading.