Wierd feelings..life off track..? Help

Heya guys..
This is my first post on this forum..

I am a 16 yr old girl and I have been experiencing regular bad-mood-phases for about 2 years.
I have a feeling of longing....a feeling of expressing love (?) that comes from within... and crying repeatedly in solace as there is no one for me...I dream of cuddling a baby..a puppy...a boyfrnd...and then blame n curse the reality....frustration at people who are loved..and then the I-HATE-MYSELF complex...
I also have transient insomnia.Another problem is that I cant bear the sound of dripping water.At night I wake up with a start,and roam around the house checking for leaking taps,and twist the faucet till I make sure its closed..even if my palms get bruised.
I cry over silliest of things...even if I dont like my dinner...or I see a boy n a girl talking at school...I feel very bad...jealous...and I detest myself....
Can it be sexual frustration?

I trace its roots to my childhood.Both my parents are working,and they both can't give me any time even though they love their only child so deeply.....I have spent years of staying home alone after school...sometimes,crying myself to sleep.

I am losing control.......gradually...
What is happening to me..? How can I bring life back on track ?
Help..


-AP11

AP11, that tap thing sounds very much like OCD, and if you do indeed have OCD, it could explain everything else that you've mentioned here too. My official diagnosis is OCD, so I feel as if I can recognise the symptoms in others. Have you ever heard of OCD? I assume that you have, as it's one of the most publicised mental illnesses out there, but I doubt that many know what it actually is.

Kevin

Thnx for the reply Kevin.

Yes I know about OCD...
and I fear it is the start of OCD.
However,like they say in articles,my behaviour is not that compulsive.It is one or two times,that too it occurs for a few days and then stops.Not like ppl washing hands 24 hrs a day...But it happens periodically...so I am confused..whether making a diagnosis at this level is correct or not.
Does OCD explain that "feelings of love" problem and insomnia?
Or maybe its just teenage problems?

...'teenage problems'? A problem is a problem, irrespective if it happens to you - a teenager - or a person who is over 100 years of age. All problems like this carry equal importance, and don't ever discount yours as just 'teenage problems', okay? Considering that you aren't too sure about OCD, have you looked up what is called OCPD? That 'P' is 'personality'. It's like a milder form of OCD, but can be equally destructive.

Let me know what you think my friend.

Kevin

I googled up OCPD and read some.
After what little I have understood,
I think I can co-realte one point : The feeling of an insecurity due to self-generated notions about people.
I always wonder if everyone hates me and then to confirm it,I tend to fight with them even though I dont intend to.
And yeah that's the kind of feeling I have when I see other couples..I feel kind of left out?

Is it OCPD springing up in me?

Well, I cannot be sure if OCPD is developing in you. What other traits have you? - are you a very neat pesron, for example, or have you got strict routines that upset you if broken? I was speaking to another young person on another thread and they were tempted to label their problems as 'just' teenage problems. If you are thinking in that way too, then don't. Your problems are real and you're only too right to be talking about them. Have you looked at the OCPD forum on this website?; or even the OCD one? If you read other peoples' posts, you might get a better idea if you have it or not.

Kevin

I read some posts here but my case appears to be a different than those already presented here.Am confused.

Not any serious fixed routines. Like I have certain preferences,for eg eating in a particular plate which belonged to me since childhood..lolz... or following certain writing styles.But no harm if these rules aren't followed sometimes.

One thing that upsets me greatly is disappointment.If I don't get the highest marks in my fav subject,or I ruin a chance of conversation with a crush....I feel upset..and make excuses to myself for a long time..about why it happened even if I didn't want it that way. And this whole excuse making thing has made me feel like trash.Self pitying.
I am sorry I am clumsily bringing out a new detail in every other reply like this,I didn't consider all these problems very important to be actually 'significant' but I feel more aware now.

Thanks Kevin for ur help.

AP11 wrote:One thing that upsets me greatly is disappointment.If I don't get the highest marks in my fav subject,or I ruin a chance of conversation with a crush....I feel upset..and make excuses to myself for a long time..about why it happened even if I didn't want it that way. And this whole excuse making thing has made me feel like trash.Self pitying.
I am sorry I am clumsily bringing out a new detail in every other reply like this,I didn't consider all these problems very important to be actually 'significant' but I feel more aware now.

You're welcome, but what your describing in your post just now is simply a person who has high expectations of herself, and 'punishes' herself when an opportunity passes. There's nothing overly wrong with this as it can spur you on to achieve great things. So, try to see it as a positive that you kick yourself each time you miss an opportunity. This type of behaviour does still feature in OCPD though... ...I should know as I think that way too!

Kevin