i dont want to get out of depression

Hi,
i've been in depression for more than a few years. i like staying at home. it's comfortable to be alone n be by myself n think of past.

i have a chance to study abroad and its a chance that if i take it can change my career.
thing is i dont want to get better. like i'm so used to being low, its exhausting to even get out of the house at times.

while i do want to go abroad n study, i dont want to put the effort. its like i want someone else to do it for me.

i feel like i do not know who i am without my sadness. like is the only friend i have lol who understands me.
i mean i think reality sucks and depressions doesn't come from my head. reality is awful.
i would die to have a chance to go abroad.or be happy. i feel so tired too. i do not have an offer like you but usually i do not do anything to change things because i feel it is too much efford when is painful to even keep going to work everyday.
but if i had a chance probably i would take it. i have to try to find the chance and this trying feels excruciating/exhausting , like i want someone else to do it for me.
i wish i have this chance you had,i want to find a way to leave this place or do something i like

About getting a chance, a friend motivated me to go. he like really guided me at each step.
at times even i wish someone would go and do it for me. maybe that's just laziness.

i think people will find me lazy too if i tell them how i feel. but i do not understand why i want to do something so much and still can not do it.
i do not know how to find something to love or a goal,like i need guidance.to me it seems hopeless.(i think if i was rich i would be happy lol.without money you are stuck.) you are lucky your friend helped you. i wish i had that too at each step. maybe i would avoid that too though or sabotaze it.i wish someone to come with me for emotional support xD.
at what country will you go? i am jealous.you will have a new experience.maybe life would be more fun.

edit: can you come back if you do not like it?

i stay in india and have chance to go to germany n study. not sure if i want to though.