I've never posted on a message board before, but recently I've been feeling more depressed that I have in a very long time. Two years in fact. And the last time I was this depressed I nearly killed myself.
I'm 31 and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after an incident two years ago. Since then things have been going well. However, I recently moved to a new city and am without the social network I've come to rely on for battling frequent depression. I've also gotten to the point where my medication has left me paralyzed, feeling nothing when I'm not depressed, which is actually just as bad as being depressed. I can't even bring myself to pick up the phone because I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails to the point that I don't want to depress the friends who I would call. Being a downer makes me feel worse.
The town I moved to has everything I've ever wanted in a place to live, but now I can't even enjoy it. I do have some friends here, but not the kind that I can share this with.
I've started to see a therapist again, but I'm not sure how that will go. I guess I'm just in need of people who understand what I'm going through. I've never had a family to rely on and I keep my friends away from my depression because of how bad it can get. Don't want to be a burden.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but just needed a place to share, I guess. It's becoming too much to bear again.