Unofficially diagnosed and dealing poorly

I haven't been formally diagnosed but after nearly 7 months of feeling I finally decided to take online advice and have submitted to over 15 different depression tests online, with each one of them returning a result ranking somewhere in the severe category. I am a 23 year old college student that is currently unemployed and potentially impending homelessness, so I don't have the money to pay for a therapist. I'm hoping to find whatever help I can get on this site.

I'm a writer, a film and video game critic, and I used to love writing all sorts of reviews, articles, and opinion columns until I got laid off at my job last year. I used to write upwards of 1000 words per day for a readership that vocally loved my work. Now I feel like a washed up hack that can't even bring himself to write 400 words in a week. I was clean off of my ADD prescribed adderall for over 2 years and finally relapsed on my left overs just to be able to finish assignments, as my focus on anything, even the movies and video games that I used to be so passionate about, has dropped to almost zero. I'm only writing this message after having refreshed the homepage for about a day now.

I'm always so tired, achy and just bitter. 2 years ago I used to be able to pull all nighters in order to bang out 2 articles for my publication and blog, and still get my school work done during the day. Now I can barely move in the mornings, I barely muster up enough energy to go to classes, let alone keep up with their work load and every day is dull and lifeless.

My grades have dropped, I haven't been hanging out with my roommate and friends as much as I used to, I'm becoming scared of social interaction, something that had plagued me for years before I was starting to get over it (not good to have when you're a journalist) and my attention span has become almost nonexistent. Most days, when I'm alone, I start to fantasize about death by some outside circumstance because I'm too chicken to do it myself.

Between the financial burden I've put my friends through by not having a job and being unable to find work since, and the loans for my degree that my mom has been taking out, of which I am now nearly two years behind on, I just feel like it would be really convenient for everyone else if I would just go away. Sometimes I don't even know why my friends keep me around.

I don't mean to sound melodramatic but I just hate myself for letting it get to this point. Every time I try to power through to get work done I just get really tired, really irritated, or distracted, which makes me start to think about how much I'm screwing up, which makes me think about death, and once I think about death, I just stop everything and curl up and wait for an uncomfortable sleep to come over me.

Hi again. So, this is something that I wanted to post before it becomes out of mind.

I'm an ungodly shy person around strangers, even in my own element. Sometimes, I wanna be slightly social but its like I have some kind of block, stopping again. So, this is something that I wanted to post before it becomes out of mind.

I'm an ungodly shy person around strangers, even in my own element. Sometimes, I wanna be slightly social but its like I have some kind of block, stopping me from doing it. Sometimes I go to raves at geek conventions just to watch everybody else dancing because I don't know how to dance and don't want to screw things up for everybody else.

Tonight, after sitting out for a half hour and standing to head bob for about 10 minutes, I finally joined in and even interacted with others. I don't know if I was any good but I had more fun than I can remember last. For the first time in a while, I fealt really good, and I didn't have to use alcohol to lower my inhibitions to do it.

I can already feel the bad coming on even as I type this; my dancing probably sucked, I wasted time I could have spent working, doing stupid things like this is why I'm in my rut. But I'm sick of sucking away every bit of happiness that I get and I just wanted to say that somewhere that I regularly check.

I might forget this and be right back to gloomy tomorrow but I hope it can be a reminder that things can be better. doing it. Sometimes I go to raves at geek conventions just to watch everybody else dancing because I don't know how to dance and don't want to screw things up for everybody else.

Tonight, after sitting out for a half hour and standing to head bob for about 10 minutes, I finally joined in and even interacted with others. I don't know if I was any good but I had more fun than I can remember last. For the first time in a while, I fealt really good, and I didn't have to use alcohol to lower my inhibitions to do it.

I can already feel the bad coming on even as I type this; my dancing probably sucked, I wasted time I could have spent working, doing stupid things like this is why I'm in my rut. But I'm sick of sucking away every bit of happiness that I get and I just wanted to say that somewhere that I regularly check.

I might forget this and be right back to gloomy tomorrow but I hope it can be a reminder that things can be better.

What ADD medication were you on that you recently started taking again, did it make your symptoms better or worse, also it's very bad to take expired medication so please don't.

You may have just started developing clinical depression, but I can't diagnose you.
You need to see a doctor about this, it could be as simple as getting on an antidepressant.

If your ADD medication is not working it very well could be clinical depression, a lot of the
symptoms match. Look up clinical depression on Wikipedia and read about the symptoms.

I hope you get help with this, your really do need help and should try to get some.

My medication is Vyvanse; it's like a more controlled version of adderall. It never actually made me feel better, it just gave me enough energy to sit up and type what needed to be written. I felt a little bit more alert than usual but just as if not more empty but it's all I have to get through my work.

I'm going to look into my university's counseling system to see if there's anything I can do without paying an arm and a leg. Thank you for your concern. I really do appreciate it.

That's a good move, I'm glad you are seeking help.
I hope you can get help without being charged too much.