by jims » Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:23 pm
Here are comments about a book I just read: Surviving Ben's Suicide by C. Comfort Shields
Comfort Shields shares her painful feelings connected with her boyfriend's death in Surviving Ben's Suicide. The book does not give general information and statistics about suicide or depression. Rather, it is a compilation of memores pondered over with the hope of gaining understanding. Much of the book details pleasent memories of a college romance, which most of us can relate to. At first, Ben seemed so wonderful, however, hints of a dark side became apparent after Comfort looked at events from the perspective of years. As is typical when someone close to us commits suicide, the author wrestles with heavy questions: Why did it happen? Could I have prevented the act? What made me be attracted to such a person? Is there something wrong with me? Comfort recalls and sometimes agonizes over conversations, interactions, and other observations from the past. Writing this memoir enabled the author to grow past the experience. In the end, she concludes that she will never know the real answers to her questions, but that she has to just move on with life. The book is well written; once one begins reading it, one can't put it down.
The book can be particulary useful to several groups of people. Of course all people who have been through a similar experience will realize that they are not alone with their questions and preoocupations. But another group who might benefit greatly are those who have mood swings--those with clinical depression or bipolar disorder. Often these people contemplate suicide, but fail to realize how deeply their death will affect others. This book shows that a person is affected for a long time when a friend takes his/her own life. Maybe by reading this book, people will think twice about the option of suicide. Suicide is common, but it is not easily understood. Ben was treated by a number of doctors and with a variety of medications. Our medical profession was unable to save Comfort's boyfriend.
In the end, Comfort discovered that we can not always solve life's mysteries. At times, we just have to let go and move on. It is painful, but remains the only alternative. Epictetus once said, "It is not things that disturb people but their judgements about things." The author with her searching and speculating has found some good in the awful event of Ben's suicide. In the end, she wrote that she came out with more strength and tenderness. At times Comfort seemed to blame herself, but on the other hand, just maybe, Ben's time with Comfort may have been the the best time of his life. We want to think that we can say magic words to save someone from depression, but maybe no such words exist. Maybe some depressions can not be helped. If the doctors with their arsenal of powerful drugs could not help Ben, what makes a person think she can do better. But we still try. Thank God we still try.
On my website I have written about my battles with alcoholism, addiction, depression, bipolar, ADD, and compulsive eating. I've had a good life despite being broken.
http://geocities.com/focusandcontrol/