How will i live with this?

Hello. This is a rehash of some of my previous posts, however it is more recent. Not a night goes by when i fall asleep with a severe existential crisisin my head. Seems like everyone else i know takes the life they have and just run with it, and i respect them for it.

I always want ot know if my place and my time in the universe is really what it best for me. And there are so many perceptions, and perspectives of this world, that having your own opinions start to not make sense at all. You see, i believe the modern world is as a whole the most priveleged people that ever lived, seeing as most of human history has been made up of violence, poverty, and shortcomings. But we (or at least, myself) don't know what to do with it now. Its all mundane to us. I believe this will soon start to affect my daily life, as these anxieties are like background processing when doing my daily routine. That will result in misery, eventually, and so i need help.

This existential crisis has given me the feelings of a narcissist (you only have one life, make the most of it despite what others need) to depersonalization (you are a spec on this planet, so you might as well submit to other people's wants.) Yet, i also feel terrified of being someone else, which i find really bizarre. for instance i am terrifed of being the opposite gender, or born at a different birthdate, which is pathetically irrational, since, i am obviously not.
What do i do now?

I find it very interesting that people who suffer from depersonalization think about such global and abstract things. The worst thing for me is that when i start to think about weird stuff like why i am who i am, or why the universe exists, it makes me feel scared and makes my head spin. When i look into the night sky i can fill how small i am and how big the universe is and feeling i get are really bizzare.
However recently i have had one thought that helped to change the way i think - live in the present moment. You are right now and right here and that cannot be changed. You are who you are and that cannot be changed - your date of birth cannot be changed and you gender as well for sure. I mean it is just some abstract things, and our minds make it feel so real and make us scared. However they don't have any basis to them - those fears are unreasonable.
You need to change the way you think. Maybe try reading some books on philosophy about themes like existence and existentialism - maybe ancient philosophers like Plato and Aristotle, or more modern like Nietzsche or Kierkegaard. Do some research.

Socialize? Friendships between outsiders tend to be special, and they can be extremely helpful.

Remis Fargo wrote:Socialize? Friendships between outsiders tend to be special, and they can be extremely helpful.

Existentialism is not a good conversation starter, much less good socialization. Who are "outsiders"?.

outsiders: less popular people? Are you a loner?

The more of life that I experience; the more I've seen, and the less I'm able to exist outside of my own head. I fear that the older I get; the less I'll want to live on...

i think it's only natural that people with DP/DR would question the nature of reality way more than other people. if you essentially feel like a non-humanliving in an unreal world there's a different need for meaning - because the world isn't solid enough to contribute much in the way of satisfactory answers as at all.

like i think about solipsism a lot, like this is all a projection of my mind mind - every single thing - and no one else is real. this is an okay thing to think about - not all that freaky in and of itself - but when everything seems so surreal it takes on a different tone that is pretty menacing (to me)

i often start talking about abstract concepts and forget most people don't know what i'm talking about or care to know. it's just not important or interesting to most people.

as for what to do now - i don't know - i basically live with it and it gets better/worse at times but is getting better overall (very slowly - i've had it my whole life but the past few years in therapy)

gl

I've had to live with this idea since I was twelve. Five years later, it's just gotten worse. Honestly, it's a thought that's made me doubt living. And I question, why do I live? I think it's so that I can understand reality and how this planet works as best I can. I want to study sciences for the rest of my life, until the damn day I die. But that's just me. I wish I could help, any of you, but I also need help for it, too. This is the only way I feel like I can help myself; learning. Understanding everything I can will be my way of life. I guess, who gives a $#%^ if we're insignificant? At least we've got a lot of stuff to learn about our planet, and even though it seems we're running out of things to learn, there's still all the stuff that's been known for thousands of years that we've yet to put into our heads.
I hope all of you can try this outlook. I think our next evolutionary level will be how much we can process and understand; intelligence. It's already getting there, it seems, so why not try exercising your brains? Teach your children about these concepts, and try to get them to expand their brains. Make them love learning.

Subject37 wrote:I've had to live with this idea since I was twelve. Five years later, it's just gotten worse. Honestly, it's a thought that's made me doubt living. And I question, why do I live? I think it's so that I can understand reality and how this planet works as best I can. I want to study sciences for the rest of my life, until the damn day I die. But that's just me. I wish I could help, any of you, but I also need help for it, too. This is the only way I feel like I can help myself; learning. Understanding everything I can will be my way of life. I guess, who gives a $#%^ if we're insignificant? At least we've got a lot of stuff to learn about our planet, and even though it seems we're running out of things to learn, there's still all the stuff that's been known for thousands of years that we've yet to put into our heads.
I hope all of you can try this outlook. I think our next evolutionary level will be how much we can process and understand; intelligence. It's already getting there, it seems, so why not try exercising your brains? Teach your children about these concepts, and try to get them to expand their brains. Make them love learning.

I thought that i wanted to understand the world, like you. Then i noticed what a lazy, uncurious punk i am. I wake up in the morning vowing to learn something new, slog through the day, sleepwalk through my academics with no interest whatsoever, go to bed hating myself; cycle repeats. Sometimes when i'm walking around in my usual spaced out, introvert mentality, i force myself into alertness:to observe everything around me, to listen closely to the sounds of the environment. Bascially trying to "make the most of my five senses," I try to force myself to enjoy every minute of it...never lasts very long.

But i do consistently want to know how other people think, and not in a malicious way either. I always wonder what it would be like to temporarily "be" somebody else (as in have their conscious) to see how they deal with reality. This could be anyone from the somewhat from a the simple folk of the countryside to intellectuals like Steven Hawking. I also try to fathom what it would be like to be a...woman, as stated in my first post. And i REALLY hope its just existential curiousity and not a true longing to be the opposite sex becuase i would consider that a problem. (But c'mon you've got to admit, women are fascinating creatures.) I believe i do this because...i got nothing. I don't know what to do in this life, and need to follow the lead on someone, anyone.

Anyway thanks for the input. Yes, maybe my future children will have the love of learning, of course they would have to NOT inherit my genes.

-- Wed Feb 01, 2012 2:18 am --

Remis Fargo wrote:outsiders: less popular people? Are you a loner?

I'm somewhat of a loner. About socializing...it does help...for the amount of time that i'm socializing. Then i fade back in to nobody right after. But believe me, even other weirdos don't want to listen to about how "life is an illusion" and what sick things i coaxed my sister into ect.

Well, I can definitely tell you that the woman mind is a hard feat to pull off. Even for some like me who don't even have one when their body suggests as much. Though I know some aspects like you are completely driven by emotions. To the point where rational thought doesn't even register. And the pain of cramps... I sometimes wonder how women aren't driven to madness by them, and they come every month. Hrm, that seems to be all I know. Ahh, right, there's social things. Like, women, at least teenage girls, are extremely open with their bodies. "Boobs are just boobs. It's not like we haven't seen our own" is a sentence I think every teenage boy wishes to hear, and it's true. (Though I think that's a secret most girls don't want the other gender to know). They switch bras and all sorts of interesting things. Anyway, there's also crazy social getups, but it might be too long for a post.

Back to your original comment: I was very much like that. Sadly, for me it took to getting into an extremely bad place in life and very harsh actions from myself to get this outlook. I hadn't a care in the world for school and learning (mostly because I learned more outside of school than in it). But I was in a very limited school that didn't cater to my needs, so I've switched to another one. I'm hoping to get some really cool classes that have piqued my interests. I'm not sure what can do that for you, but even just trying every day makes a difference. Good luck!