Rewriting History...

Has anyone seen their DD spouse rewrite history, like overwriting a cassette tape with new content so the old is gone?

I've seen this a few times with my wife, and it just happened at lunchtime today. For instance, we have always joked that I was the healthy one and she the sickly one in our marriage; at times this was downright comical. Then I got cancer three years ago, and, of course, everything changed bu,t even now I think I'm healthier on a day to day basis than her. But -- and here's the but -- but she recently told me that I was sickly when we got married because I didn't accept a herbal medication her friend offered me, and I was always sickly. She even went so far to say that my cancer was due to this -- my refusal to take this herbal medication. What?

We saw it again recently on another subject. I'll spare you the details, but she has no recollection about how she had it just before we got married in a certain area. Over the years we have spoken quite a bit about this situation; we've always had a common understanding about it. But she recently said she had no memory of it. Again: what?

Besides this, my life is in general falling apart. My son is very schizophrenic and involved and probably should be hospitalized; my wife is in denial; a great crime has been committed against him -- she thinks. I thank the Lord I have an anchor in him! Otherwise I think I'd run down the street naked, my arms flailing in the air, and yelling, "I can't take this anymore!" Thankfully, I'm learning to have rest in the midst of it all -- quite a feat, isn't it?

MrSicily

Yes, it is quite a feat! Sorry things are so rough for you right now. I don't know what I would do if my son started manifesting schizophrenic/delusional symptoms. I try not to think about the genetic component in these things...


My ex did have a way of re-writing history in a way similar to what you describe, but only when she was really in thrall to the apparent delusions. I can't think of any specific examples right now but she would claim to remember minor incidents from years and even decades earlier and attach momentous importance to them (sort of like your wife and the herbal remedy thing). More often she claims to remember things that happened or places we went that I don't.

Now I admit I don't have the best memory in the world but some of the things she claims to remember are so detailed and specific and attached to a particular time and place that I really have to wonder if she is just thinking she remembers them.

A recent example: she has been looking at houses to move into. One house she looked at she claimed we looked at 15 years ago before we bought the house we just sold. Now we looked at many houses and condos in our area before we bought the one we did, and I could take you to probably about a dozen of them without even having to think too hard about it, but I don't at all remember seeing the one she is talking about. Furthermore she insists I slipped and fell down when we saw it. Uh...sure...I must have hit my head because I don't remember any of that. I pretty sure footed and haven't slipped and fallen down in a long time.

My DDJ ex rewrites history all the time. Also in great detail, details no one could remember 40 or 50 or 60 years after the fact. He recently decided his life was so interesting he would write his memoirs, which I was able to read. I could have gone through it line by line - "this did not happen, that did not happen." But it is truely what he "remembers." Ultimately the only people from his past he has any contact with are family, because no one else can handle him remembering situations that they know never happened. Family just smiles and nods, leading him to believe that they agree with him, when actually they just all understand that there is no use in pressing the point.

My DDG rewrites history as well. He will recall a story or event that he had a conversation about, but insists he received the information from God in a vision. For instance, he once told my brother that God had given him information about a particular event that happened in his life, and even though we all told him it was an event that we had discussed more than once in a conversation, he insisted that it was revealed to him in a vision. He usually attributes significance and meaning to events that just make no sense, but he believes it. He has alienated his family and his kids, and the only people who can have a conversation with him, are people he meets on the internet with very radical religious views, and they buy into all of his delusions about his special mission from God.

Yes, my wife did this too.
She "remembers" a lot of things that didn't happen. Conversations that she didn't really have. Crimes that weren't really committed (against her and others).
She remembers her being the one to always back down to prevent a fight between us. When I mentioned that to a common friend the response was "That's not the M... that I ever knew. She'd never back down from a fight".

False memories are false beliefs, and seem to fit the definition of delusion.

Now that my wife is on an anti-psychotic and anti-depressant that is a better fit, she seems to have stopped creating new beliefs and "memories", but she still remembers the old ones. Fortunately, as time goes on (and it' not been that long yet) she seems to be concerning herself less with the things she was thinking about over the last 2 years, and is taking )at least some) of the advice she is getting from the doc/nurse/councilors. At least some of it.

This is just my opinion and what I have observed in my DDJ. It doesn't mean every false memory comes about in this way.

The DDJ's NEED to be right about their delusion begins a process of changing all surrounding facts to FIT the delusion. Normal people take an event, use the facts to ELIMINATE the impossible or improbable, then look at what's left and try to make sense of that. The DD does just the opposite. They stand firmly on the delusion and try to force all facts to fit around it, often changing them if necessary. Of course, once they've changed the facts to fit the delusion, they can believe they are right. They begin to retell the "new" version of events and, in a short time, it becomes fact for them (though it is far from the truth). I think it's much easier for them to change fact and be "right" than look at the alternative - they have a mental illness. No one wants to believe that, so they continue to change truth to avoid facing their condition, thereby creating "false memories".

I can't believe how similar everyone's stories are!!!

My husband's DD started exactly like that, with small incidences of "rewriting history." I even called him out on it, by saying things like "hey, that didn't happen" or "I/you/he never said that." It was no use. He was repeating and repeating the same incidents from the past for weeks, like an obsessed broken record. Over time he kept adding more and more detail, and I kept pointing out that no one could possibly remember word-for-word entire conversations from almost ten years ago. I would point out "You just added that from yesterday when you last told me this story" and he would say no he didn't. No matter how many times I pointed it out, it was no use. He didn't see it and denied it. This was in the early stages of his mind going, before I even knew anything was wrong. I just thought he was obsessing so much that he was creating conversations or something. Eventually I realized they were becoming delusions and that he was truly mentally ill, at which point I completely had a breakdown and started having panic attacks myself. It was awful.

I think Bri hit the nail on the head above. The delusions were appearing and then rather than face the reality that something is wrong and they may be mentally ill, they next start by rearranging facts in their mind. These then become the false memories that plague them and everyone around them. It's horrible to be the center of these jealous fake memories. We've even had contact with other people who were around back then, who have no idea what he's talking about and he just says they are all lying. I remain the evil whore who did all these disgusting things and now he hates me for it....my children have heard it all, our friends have heard it all....false memories and rewriting history can kiss my butt. Sorry, but I'm just angry still.