There is Hope

I printed this thread out yesterday and wrote some encouraging notes on the last page, then I put it in my mother's mailbox (since she wasn't home).

I wrote that I felt she needed some guidance/help getting through what's going on in her life right now, and I'm not calling her crazy but I thought she should at least talk to a doctor and I would go with her if she wanted. I told her I loved her and asked if she'd just talk to someone for me.

I didn't want her to call me right after she found it/read it because I knew she'd be upset and once she takes a little while to process something in her mind she usually calms down and starts to think logically again, so I unplugged my phone for all of last night. I needed the rest anyway...I'm stressed at work also and haven't been sleeping well lately.

So anyway, I noticed this morning that there was a voicemail waiting and it was her. She sounded pretty annoyed so I knew that she had seen the papers I left her, but I waited until I was at work to call her.

For the first 10 minutes of the call she sounded normal and was telling me about her day yesterday and her plans for today...so I started to worry that maybe she didn't see the papers in her mailbox (god, what if the mailman saw them when he came by...) so I asked her if she had gotten them. She said she had and said thanks but I'm fine and don't need to see a doctor. *sigh*

The next 20 mins of the call was her telling me that since she was no longer having panic attacks, has been off that medication for over a month now, and went to sleep last night without taking any pills that she's fine and doesn't need me to worry about her.

Yet, yesterday she had the locks changed on her house for the second time in a month. She said she also let the police know that her neighbours are trying to cause trouble (I know one of them actually is - the slimeball) and to keep an eye on them for her.

She still thinks people are trying to control her life by various means and that she's a famous movie star, but she doesn't need me to worry about her.

That's very interesting. You did what I thought I may do. Apparently you got a mild reaction from your mother. My wife would have hit the ceiling, but my wife would also have denied any connection to the information on this page as did your mother.

Tonight, talking to her on the phone, she was complaining, as usual, about the crap in her head and how she wished it would go away. I thought I would take the opportunity to remind her there is medicine for that sort of thing. Perhaps she should look into it.

Of course she yelled that the next time I suggested she was crazy she was going to blah blah blah. But, I told her, you are the one who is concerned about the thoughts and voices in your head. Other people who have these problems take meds for it. Wouldn't you like to feel better?

She said that topic of discussion was off the table. You know why I have these problems, and if you would stop lying to me, we could get to the bottom of it.

Same old, same old....

I think your wife needs a reality check - and you need a break from the BS.

Time to go, man. Aside from dragging her by the hair to the psychiatrist, your wife is not going to change and you don't need to put up with it. She's WAY worse than my mom. Take the next opportunity and leave, but also leave her a letter describing how you've stood by her for as long as you could but why you've finally decided to leave and that you'll come back if she agrees to get some help.

The hard part will be to go to a place where she can't just show up and harass you.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Sorry, that was me.

I'd counsel against that "come back if you agree to get help." It would be like taking your hand out of the fire, then putting it back in.
With me at least, the only "sadness" my husband has shown about my leaving him is the loss of my salary. Besides the DD, he is now a lying, manipulative creep. Even his kids, brothers, and mother can't stand him (although they all say they "love" him, they all go out of their way to avoid contact with him).
Several years before I finally left, I spent a week by myself at the beach on vacation. It was a real eye-opener, I was so much more relaxed and happy than when I was at home - it was when I really realized the stress my husband was causing me. As I drove home I began to cry so hard I had to stop the car - when I finally got it together to drive, I "missed" the turnoff & ended up taking nearly an hour more to get home, by the scenic route. But still, I think it was 8 years before I moved out. We all move in our own time frame.

Thank you again Faithful for encouraging words and visualizations of freedom. Of course, I have my freedom for 3 to 4 days each week by working out of town. So I appreciate your appreciation of being away from the craziness. I still have her on the phone to deal with , but I hang up when things get bad enough. I spend every weekend anticipating my leaving again to get away from her on Monday mornings.

Before the DD I hated leaving her. I looked forward to coming home on Fri nites. Fridays there was a spring in my step. Now its dread. My time frame is coming... Thank you both, ladies.