Are we making the right decision? Support plse . . .

Hi,
I have lurked on this forum topic for a while and have read what others living with DD are going through and it is all too familiar. However, my husbands issue is not with me. He believes he is being persecuted at work, to the point that people actually want to harm him. Well, it got so bad yesterday that he quit his job. His illness is truly debilitating at work. He takes meds and has had therapy but to no avail.

I am lucky that he sees his illness fairly clearly. However, when he is the midst of an episode, he cannot see it. It is afterward he regrets it all and worries about what is and isn't his illness.

We've been married 8 years. We have two small children. My husband is not from the US but has his residency. His illness has been so tough for us lately that he has decided to take time away, go back to his country, seek therapy and medical attention there. We are going to sell our beloved home, and I am going to move in with my mother. We have no money and a lot of debt. I will manage financially since I do work full-time, but it will be hard.

I feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest. I am so sad. Is there anything else to do? He wants to go, but is broken up about leaving the kids. I am not at this time making a decision about going to his home country. I am not ruling it out, but I need some space and time to think. I also feel like he needs to focus on getting better. Yet, I need to know for sure that he can manage his illness there after all we've been through before I go there. I lived there in the past for 3 years, but I was much younger and things were very different. I feel so guilty that I can't just go with him wherever he needs me. I just can't go without knowing he is getting better and managing this better - yet I am his wife and I vowed to stick it out through sickness etc.

The US has a REALLLY bad mental health care system. I have GREAT insurance and the care I get sucks… If he can go out of country and get better care… it’s a pretty good idea.

I think your plan about staying behind for a while with the kids while he gets help is a very good idea. Let him focus on himself and if he starts showing some strong improvements in a couple of months you and the kids can join him. Being a good wife isn’t just being there for him, it’s keeping his family safe, while he gets some help. I really believe that you are doing the right thing. And I really believe that he is going to find better care over there then you guys can get him here… especially if he lost his insurance.

This must be SO painful for you. ((hugs)) You guys separating for a while isn’t about the family having to end… it’s just a sacrifice… from what you said I imagine you two love each other very much. This will work out.

Thank you for your reply. Yes we do love each other, but I am jsut feeling so tired. I am able to get insurance through work for us, and tonight I feel so sad about him leaving that I am starting to think maybe we could figure something else out. It is tearing him apart even thinking about leaving his little kids, as it is for me. How do you do that? What if I decide not to join him? Sorry. Your email made me feel better, yet I still have so much turmoil. I agree that the health care is pretty good where he is from. In fact, his brother is able to get him insurance through his own insurance. Amazing. And his family is completely on board about his illness, no denial or anything.

You have to have some faith. You will join him…

I did some research and their might be an alternative check out DBT therapy for him… If he can get into a group it might change him around Especially considering he is so aware of his paranoia. It was developed in America and has shown some real success in helping people that medication and typical therapy doesn’t touch. It basically teaches you how to rewire your brain so that you can recover. Check out Buddha’s Brain, it talks about DBT. Also there are some good websites.

If you can help him and keep your family together I think that is best… but he MUST get help. If DBT doesn’t work send him home.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you - I will look in DBT. He is interested in anything that could help him. He is reading a great book about overcoming paranoia and suspicioun using CBT. So thanks.