Delusional Disorder/Jealousy Type?

I am in a marriage with a husband who is convinced that I have, and am having affairs on him. I was not raised that way, and have NEVER even given it a thought. He even puts strange things together that he calls "conincedences" to make his stories and beliefs convincing. In one minute, he tells me he knows I'm not and haven't ever, and in 5 minutes will tell me what a sorry lying whore I am. I'm about to snap, but am trying to do whatever I can to keep my family together. We have 2 boys, 12, and 9. He questions every move, from answering the phone, to going to the concession stand at our ballgames. I don't know what's wrong, but it's gotten worse over the past year and a half. He's always been jealous, but nothing like this. I'm a outgoing person, but not even a flirt, so noone has ever even approached me in that way.
Please give advice, and what could this be? Is he just mean and probably doing it himself, or is something wrong with him?

baseball01,

I'm not a doctor, but if you read through this forum, you will see many similar, very sad stories such as your own. You will see your husband's illness referenced as DDJ (Delusional Disorder Jealousy subtype). I'm sorry you are going through this. There are numerous other women and a few men who post here that either have, or are still, dealing with a DDJ spouse. Please try to read some of the other posts if you haven't already. Feel free to vent, ask questions, whatever. This is a nice and supportive forum.

Hello; I am sorry to hear that I also have a wife that does it, she has been diagnosed as schizophrenic, rite now she thinks I slept with all our brides maids on our wedding day plus any other woman I might have talked to, I am scared that any girl might say hi to her she might get really mad at them, one time she called the cops on me because she said I was having an affair with brad pit---- yikes--- well I have never cheated on her, I am very out going as well I would say friendly. Sometimes she also thinks she is having special relations with actors or musicians where they are trying to protect her from my cheating on her. Yea I know what you mean I have 4 children with her all girls, sometimes it is unbearable to deal with because the delusions are mostly about me sometimes other people but for some reason when she goes into a episode it is almost always I am cheating on her with all these girls, and I don’t know why either.
I believe I am supportive of her as being my only LOVE and that she is beautiful, maybe she is really insecure; I know she had trouble in school, in what she would call the cool people and that she never fit in, mmmm I don’t know I wish I had a answer for why she always has these same delusions, but she has to be treated in a hospital. But you know the hard thing is the hospital and the doctors don’t know me, and its like I have to prove to them I am not a jerk one time at mt. vista hospital, a Doctor Parker actually told me to leave and except the fact that she does not Love me anymore I tried to explain at the time she thought I was living with two pregnant girls but he took the word of a person in a hospital diagnosed with schizophrenia for 5 years over her husband who checked her in and just wanted to visit her every day and see how she was doing. That is a whole other dilemma of the up hill battle I face it is very frustrating.

Hi Baseball,

I really understand because I've been through this, it sounds a lot like my (ex) husband, i.e. we're separated but not divorced because it's hard to divorce him because of his state of mind. In the 3 years of living together he had put me through sheer hell. I have 2 young boys with him and ran away pregnang with the 2nd, 4 years ago and went to a women's refuge. He was convinced I went "to my boyfriend" even after he got court papers stating that I was at a women's shelter. His state of mind proved quite hopeless. The frequency of his jealousy and paranoid attacks kept increasing and the "nice spells" in-between - ever shorter and less significant.

I just want to say that I understand you and feel free to ask things if you want to. I've read a lot about this since I left him. When I lived with him I thought it was all my fault and he nearly broke me down. I stayed long because - like you - I wanted to do everything I could to keep the family together and for my children to have a father. But it became a choice of "either they have NO father NOR mother (because he was wrecking me) or at least they have a mother, a healthy functioning mother. This is what helped me finally make the decision to run away from him.

First I had to face the fact that he wasn't anywhere near changing or admitting he has a problem. Then I had to make the choice to save myself and the children from this hell of living with someone that psychotic. It was the hardest choice of my life!

You're welcome to communicate with me if it helps you.
HUgs
W.

Hi Baseball and Water Lily,

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.... So much of what you've said is exactly what I'm going through. I've been dealing with a spouse (now ex) with DDJ for the last 10 years. At first he'd come in and out of the acccusations mode... I could actually catch glimpses of the beautiful person he once was... But as time went by, I saw less and less of the man I knew and loved so much... his delusions grew... the main one being that I was a lesbian with numerous lovers... Like I had any time to do anything like that with 4 daughters (ages 3 months to 10 years) and a full-time demanding job. PLEASE...

Apparently, he'd been having these thoughts for a few years before actually telling me about them. I only recently learned about this. His sister says that she knew about his thoughts about 2 years before he even told me!!!! She is bi-polar and very sympathetic to what I've been dealing with... In a way I'm happy she never said anything to me because I doubt we would of had my youngest daughter now 10 years old.

No matter how many times we went to psych/docs, that came up with the same diagnosis that he had DDJ, he'd always say I was the one with the mental problems. He took meds (Zyprexa and Celexa) for only a short period and then refused to take anything since in his mind, there was nothing wrong with him... IT WAS ALL ME... He was also convinced that I paid all the docs off to make the same diagnosis.

The best gift I got this holiday season was finding this site. Until now, I felt so alone!!!! I know I'm a survivor of a husband with DDJ, but the wounds that were left on my heart and spirit as a result, have left permanent damage. In the end, I grieve not only for myself, but for the loss of his beautiful mind.

God bless you my friends.... Peace...

Question for all of you. Did any of your spouses ever know there was something wrong with them? How fast did it progress? I ask because I think I might have the same condition. I haven't been officially diagnosed with it, but I fit every symptom, and I have had one psychologist mention it before. The only difference I see between me and the people you were talking about, is that I know something is wrong with me. My jealousy has at least doubled in the last year, and it's getting worse. I am at the point where I can't even watch some movies now because of my jealousy. I also know how much it hurts my girlfriend, as well as how miserable it makes me. I hate it so much. Do you think if your husbands and wives had accepted there was something wrong with them, it would have helped? I mean, what can I do to fix this in myself?

You probably cannot fix it by yourself. It's fantastic that you realize, or suspect, that you may be sick. It sounds like you are trying to get help. Are you seeing a psychologist now? If not, that's a good place to start. Be honest with him/her & see if they suggest seeing a psychiatrist. The people who have posted success stories on this forum all involve medication. I don't think you can feel better unless you try something like that.

good luck!