help me hold on

Hi. I just found this forum last night and had to register today. I have been living with a man for 8 months who I think has Delusional Jealousy. I dont know what to do anymore and I'm ready to give up. I cant hold on being hurt like this emotionally every single day. i work in a place that is all men (5 employees) and everyday I have to hear about how Im having sex with all of them. I get physical body inspections to see if there are new marks on me (and I am fair skinned so i bruise easily). He is obsessed with the idea that Im having anal/oral sex with these people. He sends me an email at work and it takes longer to get to my webmail account at my job than it does to him (he keeps my account up so he can see all my mail) Then when he asks me why i havent responded and i tell him i havent received it..he accuses me of lying. He will send one while we're on the phone and it will come thru just fine..so of course I must be lying about it being delayed. I have done everything i can to wearing an earbud all day long and letting him hear everything I do at work to keeping yahoo messenger on so he can see if i go idle. he doesnt work and is home all day. he moved out 2 weeks ago and I am dying inside. I have seen the person he can be too many times and I fell head over heels in love with him. I would never lie to him or cheat on him. When he isnt doing his jekyll/hyde impression..he is everything I ever dreamed of. I get called disgusting names everyday..and they usually start at about the same time. Since he moved out he has been drinking heavily and the more he drinks the worse he gets. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont want to lose the person i think he is capable of being, but I cant live like this any longer. I feel like Im losing my mind when we fight..I shake all the time, want to cry at how it can go from a conversation of how much he loves me and him begging me not to give up on him and him telling me to get the number to a psych doctor and we can go see one to 1 hour later..out of the blue..im a lying cheating wh***. somebody please help me.

You don't deserve that kind of treatment. You should leave him. I know it's easier said than done but you have to realise that in time you will get over him and find someone that treats you right.

i wish it were that easy. i cant explain how much in love with him i am and i really want to know if there is a way to help him. but just so you know..he did just break up with me about 30 minutes ago. all because he thinks im lying again

You might love him so much but he’s putting you through hell.
He’s being controlling, abusive and has no respect for you.
Do you really want this for yourself , for the rest of your life?
Breaking up with him will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but in the long term you’ll thank yourself for it.

My family says the same thing and his family tells me how much he loves me. he has told me he has never felt this much love for anyone and i feel like im giving upon him. i want him to get better..thats it. i dont have a problem with the jealousy so much as the way he voices it so crudely. I know that i should let go..i just dont have a clue how to. i hate him for the way he treats me, but i love the person that he used to be. i just dont see that person often anymore. his whole life is run by these suspicions. i know hes sick and i know that there are people out there with the same kind of problem. i appreciate you telling me that i deserve better and i agree i deserve to be treated better, but noone other than me knows how he treats me like a princess and shows me his love when he isnt having these panic attacks

Hi peb

I really feel for you. A lot of people on this forum have been with their DD partners for a long time and have endured years of abuse and pain. I've only been here for a week and am in the process of trying to get my partner to get some help.

I agree that how he's treating you is very wrong, and he is definitely ill. Have you broached the subject with him that he could have a mental illness? Do you know his family and or friends that you could discuss this with.

This man definitely needs help pronto!

yes, he and i have discussed it and i showed him some stuff on Delusional Jealousy and he started crying and said it sounds just like him. we went to a dr and they prescribed xanax and celexa and he was taking them both. the xanax helped a little, but not enough. he started abusing them and now its like theyre just for his pleasure but they do nothing for the suspicions. the dr told him he needed to seek therapy, but the problem is he has no medical insurance and we have limited funds. the psych drs here want $200 per visit and they cut state funding for people with no insurance

peb671 wrote: but noone other than me knows how he treats me like a princess and shows me his love when he isnt having these panic attacks

All abusive partners do that. That’s how they gain control. Theirs an old trick were they will say two negatives comments and one positives. Then that makes the victim feel like she did something wrong and if she did everything to please her partner it would be all positive and they would have the perfect relationship but it never works out like that because you will never be able to please him.

If you have ever spoken to someone in an relationship with an abuser they will always say 'but you don't see what he's like when were alone'.

It's not your fault if it wasn't you it would be some other women he would be mistreating. You have to realise he doesn't appreciate you for who you are he just see you a possession. It stems from his own insecurities that he needs to sort out and only he can do that.

maybe i am in denial, but i truly believe this is killing him. he knows he has a problem and hes asked me to please not listen when he says the things he says. he says if he truly thought i was that person he couldnt be wit me but when he gets these visions in his head they are so real to him he cant convince himself its not. he also said that he gets angry at himself for obsessing over the delusions the way he does and when he gets angry at himself he takes it out on me verbally. this may very well be manipulation on his part, but i have seent he pain in his eyes and he has cried to his mom about this many times because he knows hes going to lose me if he doesnt get it under control. his mother and i do talk about it.

peb671

Welcome to the board. I think it would be helpful for you to read through some of the threads. See what others have been saying or going through.

You're already way ahead in that yours seems to be open to taking medicine. You are lucky there. I don't know what "celexa" is, but you might ask the doctor about a dopamine blocker. If celexa is a dopamine blocker, you might ask him to increase the dosage.