peb671 wrote:ok...not really expecting any responses..just needing to scream and kick something and cant...so im gonna vent on here.
Been there...done that...many times. Rant away...we're here!
peb671 wrote:i know hes sick, but how can he say the things he does and not even care that hes tearing me apart?
He cares...or he wouldn't bother at all. What he's doing is PUNISHING YOU for what HE BELIEVES you've done to him. HE'S hurt, HE'S betrayed, HE'S the victim here. When mine is ranting away, I refuse to indulge his delusions, BUT...I often reassure him by saying, "Of course, I would never do anything to hurt you." "Please don't be upset, I hate to see you upset. I WORRY about you!" I might say things like that, but will not INDULGE or ACKNOWLEDGE the accusation itself. It's very hard to RE-TRAIN yourself, as it is only natural to want to argue or counterpoint when you are being attacked. That's how NORMAL people resolve issues. Going back and forth until it's resolved. With DDJ ... IT IS POINTLESS and only makes it worse. They do not see it as TWO people engaged in an adult discussion, so they can come to an agreement. They see it as YOU are manipulating them, covering your ass, and/or siding with "them." YOU are a THREAT, not an endeared lover in those moments of delusional episodes. THAT is not the time to debate, but to calm the waters, or simply walk out or shut down. The only chance IN HELL you have at a real conversation is when they are in clarity. Even then, you tread carefully, as anything you say could set off the next "episode." I'm telling you true girl! If you stay in this, get ready...cuz you are going to be wiped out. Get all the support you can. You're going to need it.