What to tell children of DD?

Any ideas on what or if to tell young or teenage children about jealous DD parent?

My DDJ husband & I are separated and I recently had to have him served with a temporary Protection From Abuse Order.

My teenage step-child is asking questions about the PFA order, why I did it, what happened. She lives with her mother & has visitation with her father. I have a good relationship w/her. She did ask my husband about the order but he was not truthful on why he was served with it. (She doesn't know the things her Dad has done & said to me in the last 1 1/2 years.) I told her to talk to her Dad, tell him to be honest w/her, and ask him to tell her what happened the day I filed the order or show it to her so she could read it. I told her after she did that I would answer any questions she had about what happened. I also told her after she talked to both of us she could decide on her own what she believed.

Our elementary age child lives with me & because of the order is not allowed to see his Dad for now. Every night he tells me he misses his Dad and wants to know why he can't see him. I haven't told him about the order or what happened. I tell him we can't be with Daddy because Mommy & Daddy can't get along right now. (My son has seen & heard my husband yelling, calling me names, being mean to me.) So far he has been okay with that answer.

Both children know their father was on medicine for his illness. Both have asked him to get back on it, telling him he is much nicer and happier on it. But anytime they mention the meds their Dad gets angry with them. Our son told me today he likes the "old" Daddy better than the "new" Daddy. I don't know what to say to that.

Dear notacheater and all,

I asked my husband what he told our 14 year old and 22 year old at the time of my illness onset and he said he didn't think he had to say anything, they already knew something was up by the way I was acting. I can't say I have really talked to them about the DD even though now they are 20 and 27, but I am sure they know I sometimes do quirky things. I am thinking that maybe I should approach them again on the subject to see what they do and don't know and what they may need to know at some point, assuming I might need help again. I see that your children already suspect something is up also, even though they don't know the name of the illness, so that jives with my experience.

Mic

Hi again, I am curious if you are on good terms with your husbands ex. If so, perhaps you could fill her in on what is happening and she might want to decide how best to approach what to tell the step-child. Also, she might very well have some past experience in what you are now going through. In reading some of these posts, it seems to carry over from relationship to relationship. As far as younger kids, I have grown children whose children are very close to my husband. They know we are living apart but don't know the details. We just tell them we have "adult" things to work out but that everyone still loves each other, especially them! Best wishes

alwaysfaithful,

I have a better relationship with my husband's ex than he does. I've talked to her some about what's going on with my husband's DD and found out that she had very similar experiences when she was with him over 12 yrs ago. His behavior with her was a contributing factor in them splitting up. With me the DD got worse, more intense and very scary. So I agree that this carries over to other relationships. I've told my husband more than once that if he didn't get help he was never going to be happy with anyone, he was always going to think the woman he was with was cheating on him.

Both of the children know there is something wrong with their Dad, both know he was taking meds & now refuses to take them and both have asked their Dad to go back on the meds. Unfortunately my husband's reaction to this subject is always an angry one, no matter who brings up the subject, even his children.

notacheater, Same here. My husband has approached my sister, niece and most recently, my mother. They all pretty much told him he was nuts, which angered him really bad, not at them but at me for managing to con them. He doesn't speak to them anymore, now he's working on his own family. This is soooo crazy!!!

alwaysfaithful, I hear ya! I have to be careful who I talk to and what I say because my husband will cut ties with anyone he thinks I've "compromised". I do talk to my teen step-daughter about her Dad's illness when she has questions. I make sure she understands that if her Dad knew I had talked to her he would be very angry with me & may not talk to her (my husband would think I convinced his daughter that he was crazy & turned her away from him).

Funny (not in a haha way) how my husband is so supicious of me and believes I did these awful things yet still tells me how much he misses me, wants to be with me, and loves me "right to death". I saw & talked to him today for the first time in 2 weeks. I feel my resolve weakening. It takes every ounce of strenght I have to resist telling him he can come home & I'll take care of him.