Our partner

Dealing with hostile family members

Delusional Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Sunnyg

Dealing with hostile family members

Postby Tara » Mon May 21, 2007 9:53 pm

I would really appreciate your thoughts on particular aspect I am currently dealing with: openly hostile in-law family members.

At this point, my husband's family essentially completely washed their hands off him. Now, mind you, this is something I could understand, except for the fact that they did not make any effort to actually talk to him face to face and for the fact that they are pretty much seeing his illness as the result of his own bad decisions (marrying me, primarily - long story, but he did go against all of them to do it and their reasons were of good old-fashioned bigoted kind). They did not say it openly (yet) but they are playing this pretty much as God's revenge on us...

Really ironic part is that, to paraphrase New Testament, they are oblivious to timbers in their own eyes. If he is indeed ill because of our decisions, that definitely fails to explain my father-in-laws' own psychotic break (requiring hospitalization) last year or the fact that all of them do exhibit some sort of personality disorder (paranoid, narcissistic, take your pick).

My husband's take on it is that it is not really them talking/writing, it is "them" intercepting our communications and trying to stir trouble. I beg to differ, of course, but I see why it would be easier to erect whole delusional system around it than to accept the fact that your family simply doesn't care anymore because long time ago they told you so and you wouldn't listen....

Bottom line is that now I am officially left alone in charge of the whole bloody mess. I'll have some support of my family, but I really don't want to bring them in more than necessary - last thing I want is having my own decisions being interpreted as being influenced by anyone else, I already get enough of that through delusional system itself.

So, my question, I guess, would be: how do you deal with this? Do I simply play the cards I am given, cut all contact with them and do the best thing I can do for our children, myself and him in that order? Do I still try to communicate with them and get them to see the light (although it is emotionally exhausting at the time I don;t have energy to spare and frankly, counterproductive in most cases since every word of mine is dissected and turned around if humanly possible)?
Tara
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 297
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:17 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 29, 2014 7:46 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Postby nowformerfiance » Tue May 22, 2007 1:38 am

Tara - For your own sanity, I would cease contact with them. You mention that they all have their own issues/disorders going on -- how they can possibly be of help to you I don't know. And you're already emotionally exhausted dealing with your husbands issues - I know I would not have the strentgth to try to convince anybody else of anything. And the constant analyzing and twisting of everything you say to fit their twisted minds...I don't think you'll never be able to make them understand. Your friends and family know who and what you are, and what you are not. So turn to them - that does not mean you have to go into every detail with them, or ask for advice. Is there someone in particular that is good at just listening? I had one friend like that, who did not try to tell me what to do, did not judge, but would give me her opinion --once on any given subject. And then she would support whatever decision I made. If you have someone like that turn to, it can be a lifesaver. She always said to me that "it takes what it takes till you decide" meaning if I had to go through 5 years of this until I knew what to do, that's what would have to happen. Good luck to you!
nowformerfiance
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2007 1:34 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 29, 2014 2:46 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Postby Tara » Tue May 22, 2007 9:26 pm

Well, about the only thing they have going for them at this point is that they are still somewhat less insane than my husband although that's quite debatable point :-(
When I think about it, I think I actually wanted more to prove to *him* that he is indeed talking to them and that whatever he hears back is coming from their mouths.

Funny thing is that by now I can process things my husband thinks and says and dissociate myself enough that I don't end up being a miserable wreck each time he says or does something hurtful. But, that still doesn't work for the stuff my in-laws are sending my way - it is pretty much down to "well, he is psychotic and that's why he is saying this, but what's your excuse?"

Yesterday it suddenly dawned on me what the situation reminded me of - it was kind of "Prince of Tides" situation where the psychiatrist is considering whether her patient would be better off taking the identity of dead person, forgetting about her past and cutting off all contact with her family and living on as someone else. That's pretty much my husband's dream outcome at this moment, but he is convinced he cannot pull it off because "they" will find him wherever he goes. And, may god help me, sometimes I think that if I knew he would be reasonably happy afterwards, that would indeed be the best thing he could do, both for himself and maybe for all of us left behind, too :-(

I do have couple of people I can talk to and I should start going to my own therapist soon. They are supportive, but in some cases I need to be careful to convey that I need to decide what to do and when. My mother, for instance, grew up with alcoholic father and this definitely affects her reaction - she can't bear to think of her grandchildren spending time in the similar sort of hell she went through. Still, she is aware I am the one that needs to make the final decision.
Tara
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 297
Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2007 6:17 pm
Local time: Tue Jul 29, 2014 7:46 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Delusional Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 20 guests

cron