The New Crisis Thread

Yesterday, I was so fed up with cutting. I wanted it to be the last time. It hurts, a lot. Wrists are a lot different than thighs. But I got upset today, and guess what I did? Guess what I couldn't avoid? Guess what I didn't WANT to avoid? Then one of my friends called, and we talked for an hour and a half. I thought about cutting the entire time. I almost picked up my blade while we were on the phone and kept going. But I told myself that would be messed up. So, I waited until we hung up, and then I went and cut some more. My wrist hurts like crazy.

No. Everyone hates me because I'm a bitch. No one wants to be my friend. And I can't blame them. I'm a bitch, and I'm messed up in the head. I should die. I want to die.

I don't hate you Grateceil!!

Gratteciel, how are your wrists doing?

I really don't think everyone hates you. I think its more like you gave them reason to believe that you would get better. That didn't happen and now everyone is worried about you and they don't know what to do. NONs think there is a guaranteed cure for SH, like its a bad cold or something. When we don't get better they don't understand what went wrong and start looking for a reason. You need to communicate with your friends about what is going on with you and what you are doing to help yourself.

Yesl, you have had a setback... it happens... I've had setbacks. I think almost everyone that self harms does. You just have to try a different approach. Cutting doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Please try to stay safe,
-S

Thanks, guys.

It's just that I cut every night. It's not a set back, it's a habit.

I was open with my best friend tonight. I told her exactly how I was feeling, and she was surprisingly calm. Lots of times she gets upset/overwhelmed (understandably so, especially nights like tonight when I'm talking about suicide) but she wasn't. I mean, I'm sure she was upset, but since she stayed calm, I calmed down.

When someone asks you "how suicidal" you are, do you guys have trouble answering? I mean, I know there's passively suicidal (thinking about it, wanting it, but won't act on those thoughts and desires) and actively suicidal (planning, acting on it, etc.). I mean, in some ways, I think cutting my wrists is me acting on it. Every night, I hope I'll hit a vein and bleed out. I cut deeper each time, as my tolerance for pain goes up. But since I don't PLAN to hit a vein, or PLAN to take too many pills...I don't know. It's a fine line. I feel like I don't even know how suicidal I am. Am I threat to myself? No clue. Should I be hospitalized again? Not sure. It's not like I can take my temperature and decide whether or not I have a fever based on the number that appears...

gratteciel wrote:When someone asks you "how suicidal" you are, do you guys have trouble answering? I mean, I know there's passively suicidal (thinking about it, wanting it, but won't act on those thoughts and desires) and actively suicidal (planning, acting on it, etc.).

This is an interesting question b/c somewhere there has to be an 'official' chart in regards to this. Lacking this the way I see it there are five levels;

0. Not Suicidal
1. Suicidal Ideation - You think about suicide, but do not act on these thoughts.
2. Suicidal Planning - You actually plan on how you will take your life. This could include purchasing whatever tools you would need.
3. Suicidal Gestures - You engage in highly risky behavior that could end your life, but most likely won't. This would include overdoses in cases where you were unsure if the pills you were taking would lead to death and serious wrist cutting. IMO these are more of a cry for help than a suicide attempt.
4. Suicide Attempts - You fully and completely believed you would succeed in taking your life.

If I'm asked I respond as being at one of these stages. I'm usually 0 or 1 but I made it to 3 once.

I don't feel my cutting is an indicator of my suicide risk. If I take my life by cutting it would most likely be by accident. If anything I think cutting reduces my risk because it has a calming effect on me.

-edit-

Also saw this online. There wasn't much backing it up though:
Five Levels of Suicidal Behavior 1. Suicidal ideation 2. Suicide threats 3. Suicide gestures 4. Suicide attempts 5. Completed or successful suicides

-S

I think I'm somewhere between 2 and 3. I asked my older sister if she would get me a noose for my birthday. She doesn't know all of this, so she said okay, not sure if she was joking or not. Maybe I am just crying for help, although I never accept it when offered.

Grateceil, I am just going by what you have been writing and o think it would be s good idea for you to grt some help....you seem very upset and cutting your wrist is dangerous and you seem to know that..I've started cutting again but have avoided my wrist cause I know I will go to deep there and yes the pain is. More..I've been trying to talk to someone but it is very hard....it sounds like your friend really cares for you....please get the help..stay safe