See....I don't believe that you can't go. I believe your afraid to face what is behind this and so it's easier to keep cutting and waking up depressed everyday then it is to just face up to things and ask for help. I understand that. I don't agree w/ it. But I understand it. Hell I've been there. But you have a choice. You can choose to live like this forever...and it will continue to build...things will come along and add to it because you refuse to find the answer and deal w/ it as well as learn new...more positive ways to deal w/ the stress life is no doubt going to throw your way. OR you can own up to your problems....find answers and ways to get better. You really don't have to live like this forever. It's a choice. Each person is entitled to make their own choices. But at some point you either have to accept that this is your lifestyle and go from there....or do something about it! Just my take. Agree or disagree...again...it's all your own choice.
That kind of didn't help me feel better at all!! Sorry. I'm sure you were trying to help, but it just didn't help at all. I know I "can" talk to them. But I actually tried!! I didnt' want to tell them about the cutting/self-injury itself, because I'm ashamed of it, and I broke their hearts enough when I told them that I have thoughts about suicide. But they apparently don't think that I need to go to a doctor or therapist. Believe me, they wouldn't understand at all if I told them. I know I can, but I'm not going to. I am scared. I'm not scared of finding out what's causing this. I'd love to find that out. I'm scared, because I know my parents will freak out on me. They'll be dissapointed in me, and everything will suck. When I'm 18, I may talk to a doctor. I stopped cutting 2 or 3 years or so ago. I just stopped--cold turkey. That was it. I still hit myself and stuff, but I did stop cutting!!
Oh, and I don't wake up depressed every morning!! Remember--I have BAD moodswings. That's the reason that I thought I was bipolar. And I still think I may be, but I'm not sure of anything really. Lately, I've been having really bad moodswings. One moment, I'm so incredibly happy and I feel like I'm on top of the world, and then I fall off of the top of the world face first into the dirt, in other words, I get EXTREMELY depressed. It sux!!
I do believe that he/she can't go to a therapist. If I remember correctly, you are a minor and live with your parents. You alone probably don't have the funds in order to pay for a therapist and like element said before, (s)he doesn't want his/her parents to know.
Yep, that's exactly right. Imma she/her. Just wanted to let you know so you want have to type quite as much, and because it's cool to know.
Ahhhhhhh...but that's my point when I say I don't believe she "can't" go! You just made my case....you remind us that element "doesn't want to talk to her parents". If she had logged on to say that she has talked w/ her parents and they don't believe she needs to see a therapist....and she was saying how she wants to go but hey...she is a minor and her parents won't take her....that's different. Tell me that you are an adult and you very much want to get professional help but you simply can't afford it...don't have insurance.....etc. sure....then there is obvious cause to say one "can't" go.
Element often notes in her posts that she's afraid to talk to her parents...or she worries that in bringing this to their attention she'll burden them. And many of us reply back assurances re: this....try to get her to realize these are her parents...they love and care for her and if they realize she's in trouble...how she's hurting herself physically....they are going to want to help her and it's not a burden. (sorry to talk about you like you are not in this element!!) I guess I used ended up using element as my example in my post...didn't mean to....but I mean for most people in general....a person can easily make themselves feel like they "can't" seek out help. But it's actually more a matter of not wanting to take that step. Hell...I understand....it's a scary step to take and it can feel like it's full of risks....like in elements case....part of her may want to take the step and talk w/ her parents so that she can work w/ a professional...but then a part of her may be scared too...for her the risks could be worry of her parent's reaction. (again...element....I'm using yours more as an example to build on...not trying to speak for you or pretend I know your situation in and out!!)
So yeah...my point is that there are people who have situations that make it so they "can't" seek out help...but more often it's a person's choice....can come to that choice for a variety of reasons...but either you live this way or one day you find the courage in yourself to talk w/ someone and get help. It's not an easy step to take...I'm not stupid....it's not hard to reach out and ask for help...I've been there....I had to tell my mom of my suicide attempt and then get in to all I'd been feeling...it wasn't easy...but it was the only door I had ....if I didn't open it...I would not have gotten help. Thank god I found that courage. My goal here is to help others find that courage w/in themselves. No one should have to live this way.
I know what your saying, Angel. And I appreciate your trying to help me, but I'm not going to talk to a therapist right now. I don't selff-injure all of the time, and for now I'm not going to a therapist. I'd love to get help, but I just don't want to talk to my parents. I've tried it a few times, but I get so nervous every time, and it's like I just can't force the words out. I tried to go through with a few suggestions that were given to me, but it just didn't work out. I tried to write my mom a letter, but I couldn't think of anything to write that I would actually let her read. I've planned ways that I could tell her. I've written about it in journals and hoped that she'd decide to snoop and read it. I've tried to just say it without any thought. My nerves just want let me. When I tried to tell her about the suicidal thoughts, I could barely talk. I was so uncomfortable and upset. I can't imagine going through that again. And then my dad had a talk with me. Everything that he said was very nice and everything, but I was so embarrassed. I felt really crappy. And he acted like everything was totally normal, and he told me about how he used to feel overwhelmed wtih life and that his mother would ask him how he was doing and things. I asked him to please not ask me how I'm doing. He still did at times for a while, but I think he's forgotten about it now. I hope so. I wish I had never told my parents, because they didnt' get help for me, and now they know more than I want them to know. After my dad talked to me that night, I layed in my bed and cried into my pillow, but I kept it so that no one could hear me. I think my dad actually thought I felt better. Yes, he told me that he loved me and everything, but basically, he just told me everything that I already knew. And it just didnt' help. And he asked if he had done anything to make me feel the way I was feeling. I don't understand why anyone would ask that question!!! It has nothing to do with anyone else. It's just my stupid problem!! And I feel bad that they'd even ask something like that. It is NOT there fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine.
I'm feeling pretty down right now. I'm just going to go to bed now, and hope that I can go to sleep quickly, because, honestly, I don't feel like being awake right now.
~element
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