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NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby realityhere » Thu Sep 08, 2016 2:22 am

TW,

Where are you at? Hope you're ok.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby realityhere » Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:30 pm

TW,

It's been over two weeks since you've sounded in on your thread. Are you ok? Have you found something to deal with the pain or are the meds giving you up-down effects? Let us know what's going on.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:20 pm

Just to update you on what's been happening, Hit a very low point and about three weeks ago, I fell out of bed while trying to retrieve an inhaler, and ended up with the district nurses phoning the doctor to come out, and she ended up admitting me to hospital, where i was treated for a wound infection as I had banged the sore down below and caused it to become infected. I had sepsis, and the doctors suggested I had anaemia. I lost myself in hospital, and now feel very vulnerable emotionally.

I came out of hospital yesterday, and am having carers for a few weeks until I get stronger, both physically and emotionally. Had to stay in bed for 3 weeks as I was not allowed to take my wheelchair into the hospital as the ambulance staff are not responsible for privately owned wheelchairs. That gave me a bad back, and now I'm having to be very careful when moving around, and my back keeps spasming.

I seemed to get a reputation in hospital that just because I was relying on drink for a while that I should speak to Alcoholics Anonymous, and because of the psychiatric assessment the doctor I was under, arranged for November, I couldn't get the free care that I should have qualified for, as it seems people thought I was a risk to myself or others. Some people can be very narrow-minded.

The sore is loads better, but I'm not sure about the rest. At the moment, I'm dealing with one day at a time. I'm also going to get an appointment to check in with my GP.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby realityhere » Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:21 pm

"...and because of the psychiatric assessment the doctor I was under, arranged for November, I couldn't get the free care that I should have qualified for, as it seems people thought I was a risk to myself or others. Some people can be very narrow-minded."

Indeed. For those who follow the govn't bureaucracy's rules, which are also narrow-minded.

Sorry you had to go thru an ordeal in hospital, but at least you got the treatment you'd been waiting in line for so long. Took an accident and not a self-cutting to get you the immediate treatment you needed, ironic, huh? And then get labelled an alcoholic for assuaging the physical pain while waiting for treatment so damn long, lol. What turkeys... :roll:

Hope you continue on the mend.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sun Oct 02, 2016 1:21 pm

I think I'm mending physically, but I still seem to not feel myself psychologically.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby smurf » Sun Oct 02, 2016 2:59 pm

Sending hugs
Silent all these years- Tori Amos
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Sun Oct 02, 2016 3:17 pm

Thank you Smurf. I feel like I could easily break again at the moment. I'm having people being judgemental because of the pre-hospital drinking, and now I have certain neighbours thinking my Mum should be more involved in caring for me. She has put up with enough **** lately running around after me, and she deserves to take a back seat for a while. I have said to him,(the next door neighbour)if it should happen again in his life-time, just ring for an ambulance.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Mon Oct 03, 2016 12:52 pm

I realised yesterday evening while in bed, how I'm feeling at present. I've been saying I feel like I've lost myself, and now I understand why. I realised yesterday evening that I feel like my post-transition self has jumped off a broken down boat, and left my pre-transition self to work out how to get the boat going again without an instruction manual to refer to. I feel a bit like I'm walking along a tight rope, and if I fall off, on one side is me falling back into the drinking to block out the crap, and on the other side is me falling to my death, and I am having to fight so hard to believe in myself at present.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby TROJAN WARRIOR » Tue Oct 04, 2016 10:33 am

Well, it seems the tightrope has thrown me off, and I've landed on the side of going back to the old habit of trying to kill my thoughts with alcohol. Yesterday I was being tormented by the words of the district nurse, who said "We are only here to help" and I'm laying on my bed thinking "but I've got to want to be helped". So I took two cans of cider to bed with me.

What the district nurses don't seem to understand, is that I am not the same person I was prior to these sores occurring. My confidence and self belief have been crushed, and when they say things like the nurse said yesterday, that just goes round and round in my head, and drives me insane, so I have to kill it and that involves alcohol.
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Re: NOT SURE WHAT TO DO

Postby realityhere » Thu Oct 06, 2016 3:54 am

"but I've got to want to be helped"

That's up to you, TW. The reason the district nurse said "we're only here to help" is that she knows well enough from experience that there's only so much she can do, given health care protocol. for a patient.

The rest is up to the patient, whether there is resolve to get better or worse. Now that you're out of the woods, so to speak, meaning that you're getting better physically, it doesn't mean you're getting better mentally. Pls seek some psychological counseling, if you can get a counselor familiar with LBGT issues, all the better. But pls do try to seek this kind of help. It may be difficult to locate such a professional, but start asserting that you need a professional with this experience. Alcohol is nothing more than a bandaid, when psychological and sexual identity issues present a great mental pain and clash with everything you've known before. If there is anything worth the effort, it's to be yourself again and smile at the sun.
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