I've done it again

I have cut myself again. I hadn't for about three days, but it just sort of happened. On Christmas Day we went to my mum's friends house and I wasn't happy. I didn't really talk and didn't eat much because of my 'situation' so my mum got mad and on Boxing Day she was yelling at me for like two hours about what a bitch I was. She told me I was being a bitch and attention seeking, because she doesn't know that I'm depressed. And it made me so upset, I cried for like three hours I ran to my room and as soon as I was on my bed I just cut, all up my shoulder. I hate this and I just want to leave. She doesn't understand and that is why she can never know.

Hi

First off I'm not going to defend your mum because what she did isn't right. You don't deserve that. I've been there and it's so hurtful.

[Darkness] wrote: I hadn't for about three days, but it just sort of happened.

I think the message you should take from this is that you didn't hurt yourself for three days. That's three full days. Well done. It takes a lot of self control to refrain from SI at times.
Also from what you said it looks like your mother was the trigger/cause, not you.
I would recommend going to the GP and talking it through. Hell bring your mum on your second visit. If you don't have the confidence or words to explain depression to your mother, the Doc may be able to help explain to her. I know there are some people that just refuse to understand (my dad for instance) and make no effort to help you, and put you down and cause pain. These people don't deserve you and from my experience setting such people aside and keeping my distance helps. I still can't talk to my dad 5 years on.

But really, go to your Doc. If you open up to him/her they can refer you to specialists and prescribe meds which can help. It is most important for you to seek the help you need.

I hope things are better today and i hope the new year brings good things.

Dear Darkness:

I am so sorry you have an abusive mother. How dare she yell at you AND for two hours and call you names, especially when you are already hurting...!

No wonder you feel so much pain inside, no wonder.

How old are you? Is it possible for you to leave the home of your abuser, that is, your mother? Moving away from your abuser and attending good psychotherapy so to heal from the many injuries caused to you by your mother, is what would be best for you.

Please do post again. i will read and respond. Again, I am so sorry that you, through no fault of your own, are subjected to this horrid abuse.

atina

Hope you're doing ok.

Hope you are ok. I am new to this, but am finding alot of familiar and helpful posts here. I have been there, my father, muttering undermining things at me after he scolds me for self mutilating. My mother screaming at me. The truth I have found is that they do not understand and can't understand what you are feeling. They also feel like they have failed as people and their only reaction is to be hateful and intense without regard for feelings, except for their own. I have found my own practices to find strength, and have learned to feel compassion for them over time. My heart is with you.