by EllieRC » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:58 pm
Um okay so a few small things happened this weekend that just made me feel like utter sh*t.
One thing was that my one roommate and I were watching TV together when another was out, and when she came back we were really into it and didn't pay attention to her when she said she was going to the bathroom to shower. So when we left for a concert, we locked the door and made her get someone to come to the concert to get keys from one of us. I felt really bad about it. Then when we came back to the dorm, I switched on my desk lamp to get dressed and apparently that woke her up, which again made me feel like a really awful person. Then the next day, I volunteered to help her with a thing for her club, but I got lost while driving there and ended up getting there really late so I didn't actually help at all because I was just stupid and useless. And then when we had friends over to our room, one girl wasn't there and our friends messed with her stuff some and it really upset her...I could have said something to them at the time but I didn't and I felt really bad when she found out about it and got really upset.
I know they're each really small and I feel pretty stupid typing this out because I feel like I'm just overreacting, but piled together it just made me feel really awful. I deserve the cuts I made last night. I was preparing to tell my roommates about it this morning but I just couldn't. And now I just don't think I will.
-- Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:06 pm --
I just really hate myself...but I'm able to hide that pretty well and no one really knows how much I dislike myself. I have lots of trouble speaking my mind but I wish people knew how little self-confidence I had because I want to tell them that I'm wrong about myself...am I? Or do they not tell me because it's true? I want them to know but I also hate myself for wanting them to know because it's just me wanting attention.
Blargghhh I'm so sorry.
the world is heavy but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce they are stronger than steel
atom for atom you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died so that you may live
you need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless