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Scratching?

Open discussions about Cutting and Self Injury. This forum may be triggering.

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Scratching?

Postby EllieRC » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:02 am

Hey, everyone. This post is mostly for my own benefit and to ask for your opinions/thoughts.

I haven't cut in a week, and I've been doing good with suppressing the urges. However I have been scratching myself. Mainly when I'm lying in bed, too afraid to attempt to cut without my roommates noticing, so instead I'll just scratch my arm. I don't have long fingernails, so it never cuts into the skin. But it does leave my skin red and puffy for a while.

Is this considered self harm? I mean, I use it as a coping method instead of cutting, but I understand how it can be considered almost as bad.

Blahhh I'm sorry. Just...things.
the world is heavy but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce they are stronger than steel
atom for atom you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died so that you may live
you need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless
EllieRC
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Re: Scratching?

Postby CrackedGirl » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:10 am

Hi

EllieRC wrote:Hey, everyone. This post is mostly for my own benefit and to ask for your opinions/thoughts.

I haven't cut in a week, and I've been doing good with suppressing the urges. However I have been scratching myself. Mainly when I'm lying in bed, too afraid to attempt to cut without my roommates noticing, so instead I'll just scratch my arm. I don't have long fingernails, so it never cuts into the skin. But it does leave my skin red and puffy for a while.

Is this considered self harm? I mean, I use it as a coping method instead of cutting, but I understand how it can be considered almost as bad.

Blahhh I'm sorry. Just...things.


Well done for not cutting - that is really good. I think that there are different ways to look at the scratching. From a practical pov it is almost certainly less dangerous than cutting (unless you were to get an infection). But you are using it in the same way as other forms of self harm which I would say still makes it a negative thing. I would say it is self harm yes. On balance probably better than cutting but still self harm. Do you want to talk about what is going on for you at the moment?

Huge hugs

Cracked
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Re: Scratching?

Postby EllieRC » Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:23 am

It doesn't even matter. I relapsed tonight.

God, I'm just such a piece of sh!t. I'm stupid and worhless.

I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.
the world is heavy but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce they are stronger than steel
atom for atom you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died so that you may live
you need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless
EllieRC
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Re: Scratching?

Postby lilyfairy » Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:13 pm

Huge hugs Ellie

I'm sorry that you cut. Please don't beat yourself up- you're not those things you say you are. You've done really well in resisting cutting and ignoring the urges. Did something trigger it? Are your cuts ok?

Please take good care of yourself and keep talking

More hugs
Lily
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Re: Scratching?

Postby EllieRC » Sun Sep 22, 2013 11:58 pm

Um okay so a few small things happened this weekend that just made me feel like utter sh*t.

One thing was that my one roommate and I were watching TV together when another was out, and when she came back we were really into it and didn't pay attention to her when she said she was going to the bathroom to shower. So when we left for a concert, we locked the door and made her get someone to come to the concert to get keys from one of us. I felt really bad about it. Then when we came back to the dorm, I switched on my desk lamp to get dressed and apparently that woke her up, which again made me feel like a really awful person. Then the next day, I volunteered to help her with a thing for her club, but I got lost while driving there and ended up getting there really late so I didn't actually help at all because I was just stupid and useless. And then when we had friends over to our room, one girl wasn't there and our friends messed with her stuff some and it really upset her...I could have said something to them at the time but I didn't and I felt really bad when she found out about it and got really upset.

I know they're each really small and I feel pretty stupid typing this out because I feel like I'm just overreacting, but piled together it just made me feel really awful. I deserve the cuts I made last night. I was preparing to tell my roommates about it this morning but I just couldn't. And now I just don't think I will.

-- Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:06 pm --

I just really hate myself...but I'm able to hide that pretty well and no one really knows how much I dislike myself. I have lots of trouble speaking my mind but I wish people knew how little self-confidence I had because I want to tell them that I'm wrong about myself...am I? Or do they not tell me because it's true? I want them to know but I also hate myself for wanting them to know because it's just me wanting attention.

Blargghhh I'm so sorry.
the world is heavy but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce they are stronger than steel
atom for atom you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died so that you may live
you need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless
EllieRC
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Re: Scratching?

Postby smurf » Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:35 am

I don't have many words just now, but I'm sending you hugs.

Be safe.

Take care
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Re: Scratching?

Postby EllieRC » Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:01 am

Thanks, smurf. It means a lot.
the world is heavy but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce they are stronger than steel
atom for atom you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died so that you may live
you need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless
EllieRC
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Posts: 98
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2013 11:11 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:11 pm
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Re: Scratching?

Postby smurf » Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:15 am

You're welcome. I'm sorry I can't offer more just now.

Keep safe. More hugs
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Re: Scratching?

Postby lilyfairy » Mon Sep 23, 2013 12:43 pm

Some hugs from me too Ellie.

Please don't feel bad typing things out here- you're not overreacting. If it is upsetting you then that is ok- that's what the place is here for. Please don't be sorry for writing things out here. I'm sorry you cut last night. You don't deserve that. I can understand how all the little things snowball and end up overwhelming you.

I have trouble telling people things too and speaking my mind. The more I push things aside the more I beat myself up about it. What if you were to write out the things you need to say in a letter to them perhaps? People can't be there to support you more if they don't know that you're struggling. I don't think it's attention seeking either- I think it's just wanting someone to show they care, and that's ok.

Huge hugs to you
Lily
First rule of mental health: Learn to distinguish who deserves an explanation, who deserves only one answer, and who deserves absolutely nothing.

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Whatever you're doing today, do it with the confidence of a four-year-old in a Batman t-shirt.
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Re: Scratching?

Postby EllieRC » Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:18 pm

Thanks for the kind words, Lily. I took your advice and sent an email to my roommates telling them what happened. I have work study for a couple more hours and I'm still pretty busy all day so I won't see them for a while. I'm still nervous, though.
the world is heavy but your bones (just a cubic inch) can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce they are stronger than steel
atom for atom you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died so that you may live
you need to remember these things when you say that you are weak and worthless
EllieRC
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 98
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2013 11:11 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:11 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

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