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Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

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Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby joe2012 » Sun Aug 05, 2012 6:00 pm

Ive lied to my girlfriend so many times . Ive had conversations with people on facebook very very inappropriate conversations theat were sexual in nature. I had phone sex at one point with my ex fiance. Ive really messed this relationship up, yet she is still her. I feel terrible everyday for the things ive done to her . I don't want to ever lie or cheat or hurt her again . She has the names of at least 70 people that ive been innapropriate with either on the phone or facebook or on dating sites.. Ive struggled with sex addiction for the better part of a decade. Its destroyed many friendships in my life and its also pretty much killed our relationship .. I do care for her and don't want to lie ever again to anyone
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Re: Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby Ada » Wed Aug 08, 2012 8:48 pm

Would it help to come over to the sexual-addiction/ forum and talk about this there? There are other people in the same situation and personal accounts, links and other suggestions that may help tackle this.
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 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby matthewfrosty » Fri Aug 17, 2012 6:50 pm

I'm currently in a similar situation, thankfully shes stuck with me through it all but I really want to stop lying so I dont hurt her again. Have you tried anything that has helped you with stopping lying?
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Re: Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby joe2012 » Thu Aug 30, 2012 12:21 am

Well recently my gf helped me pick out a book on self-esteem by Matthew McKay,PH.D . Honestly its been a difficult read for me but Im getting there. IF I really think about it I know having a low self-esteem has contributed as to why I lie. I never used to think very much of myself,So I think it was easier to make things up. Most of my life I just always felt like a insignificant spec.. I would even lie to friends, and there no-longer around and i don't blame them ... I just want to be honest with everyone I come into contact with . I know i can do that. The person Im with is a amazing wonderful human being. She has put up with alot of crap,and thats a understatement. Im really not the best person to be giving advice but in my heart if you truly care for the person you are with. Be honest with them. Don't be a liar like me.. I even once lied to here back when we first met about how much money I made at my job, which looking back was stupid and pathetic. There is a book available on amazon.com. I think its called how to stop the lieing. I plan on purchasing it soon. Kit I hope your situation works out
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Re: Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby Ada » Thu Aug 30, 2012 8:17 pm

Joe, you're a great person to give advice, because you've been there, you've lived this. It's helpful to hear from you what does help you and what you've found useless. Everyone's different, but just hearing that other people have successfully changed, or are moving on in some positive direction can be so helpful for the people lurking in this thread, not sure what to post, and the people who know exactly what you're talking about because they're there too.

Good for you for being so determined to be honest, and it's so great that you have an amazing gf to back you up in that, too. Please do keep posting.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby joe2012 » Thu Oct 18, 2012 2:49 am

Its been a while since ive been on .. Well on a positive note its been a little over a year now ive been sober as it relates to talking foul or dirty to people on facebook dating sites or over the phone. My gf and I have been together a little over 2 years now... I thought things were going better, we had a argument this past weekend ... I havn't been living up to what I said i would do.. I just really get lost sometimes . Im really not the same person I used to be,she thinks I need to know what triggerd my behavior or im doomed to repeat my same mistakes. I think she has a point .. I do love her very much is there anyone out there who has been in this situation and can give some perspective ??? I would appreciate it thanks....
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Re: Ive Really messed things up in my relationship

Postby joe2012 » Wed Oct 24, 2012 1:21 am

Does anyone have any advice as it pertains to my previous post?? Ive been doing better. Once a addict always a addict,that much I do reconize. Learning from your mistakes is important in recovery I truly believe that. I really wish my gf would trust me again oneday. That is my hope. I do love her I wish she could believe that .. My heart is alot different. God has really touched my life and changed my heart. I know though that I need contined support through people who have struggled with the same isssues as i have ... I will continue to move forward and continue to be a better person.
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