Sometimes I wish that my fiance would read this forum, she tells me that it is simple, you tell the truth or you don't. In the most basic form, she is certainly right, but there is so much more to it. I take it one day at a time and I just don't tell any lies, no matter what. It has not been many days gfor me, but I keep the thought that one day builds into another, I pray that one day she will believe me. Right now she does not. I am fighting to show her, but she says that she does not know if she can ever trust me again, I do not blame her, I probably would not either.
To paraphrase an old AA thing (flipping the words drink and drinking make it very applicable...
Learning to live without lying "one day at a time." We stay away from that "first lie." If there is no first one, there cannot be a tenth one. And when we got rid of lying, we found that life became much more manageable.
The only thing that I can do is be truthful, perhaps one day she will see. Perhaps she will not. This interim is pretty miserable for me, but I try to understand it from her perspective more than my own. As much as I hurt inside myself, I know that her pain is deeper, she has been betrayed. It is a paradox for me because this empathy leads to overwhelming guilt. When I go here, I often think of the final solution. The pain of the guilt consumes me.