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why do i lie so much

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why do i lie so much

Postby very confused » Mon Apr 25, 2005 6:22 am

i have a serious problem. i am trying to find out what is wrong with me. i have a serious lying problem. i mean i lie to anyone and everyone that i can and i have no reason why i do it. i lie to my girlfriend alot. i lie to some of my friends too. i lie just so i don't get yelled at or anything like that. if there is anyone out there that can tell me what they think is wrong i would greatly appreciate it.

thanks,
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Postby mom » Tue Apr 26, 2005 8:14 pm

Well, I feel badly that nobody replied to you yet-but you have come to a good place to start exploring things. (reading on here from others)

I am not a CL-my daughter I believe is. I am trying to deal with it because I just allowed myself to admit it, and she just admitted it recently...like you are.

I kind of prefer to think of it as living in a fantasy world. To lie has such an awful sound...as if it is an intentional, hurful thing that someone labelled a "CL" does. I don't believe that....but on the other hand, I don't know what causes it...it really seems to be a matter of controlling an impulse, like an addiction.

In our case, I believe my daughter is afraid of the real world, and is not sure how she fits in it. I know the things she lies to me about are usually to make herself look good, to hide things, or to keep me from questioning her about her life.....like she wants to tell me something untrue before I find out the truth, etc.

That is from an armchair psychologist that has raised 4 kids...with a lot of rocky road along the way.

Please get yourself some help...start reading up on your problem, and you've taken that really important first step haven't you?
Best of luck
Mom (I mean somebody's mom...lol)
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losing girlfriend

Postby desperate & confused » Wed Apr 27, 2005 3:10 am

I have been dealing with the same thing you are. Only I was the liar, and my boyfriend and my family were the ones hurt the most from my lies. I had a hard time understanding why I was lying so much. I guess maybe some people are lucky and can figure it all out and just quit on their own. I wasn't that lucky. I had to go to therapy. My lies were so bad that it took me being hospitalized in a psych hospital to start to learn what was causing me to be that way. From there, I got into intensive therapy, which I am still in, and probably will be for a long time. I am slowly beginning to understand what was causing me to tell so many lies, so many pointless lies, and so many HUGE ones. My biggest thing was that my "real" world was so scary and painful, that I made up things to try to pretend that that real world didn't really exist. The best advice I can give you as far as your girlfriend goes is to go to her and just come clean with everything. I think you have a much better chance of salvaging your relationship if you approach it with her BEFORE she confronts you with all of it. I know that had I had the courage to do that, my relationships would have possibly been ok. I did find out that I am Biopolar as well, but that was not the cause of my lying. If you want to save your relationship, please just go talk to her. Especially given the fact that you have a child on the way. Trust is a very difficult thing to gain back, but I think if you bring it up and just pour it all out, she will be more apt to forgive you than if she has to find everything out herself. I don't know. That is what happened with me. And I wish I would have done it differently. Once I started to realize what was making me lie so much, my life started to get slowly better. But I'm telling you...I lost EVERYTHING! I could have avoided that had I just come clean with everything. It's hard to admit this stuff. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. My life has always been engulfed with guilt and this certainly did not help that. My lies just made me more miserable and made me totally hate myself. Counseling is extremely helpful to me. And the mood stabilizer that I'm on for Bipolar seems to help too. But the biggest thing is that I have no more secrets. They are all out now, and with that came a huge sense of relief. No more being afraid that people would find out my lies. That was destroying me. That's the best advice I can give you. Good luck to you. It's hard but you can do it. Trust me, your life will be much easier! (And Hi Mom...it's me "cowardly liar"...it's good to see you on here again :D
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Re: why do i lie so much

Postby joceywocey » Mon Sep 09, 2013 6:02 pm

hi!
i just stumbled across this site today and im so so happy to have found some other people asking for help and direction with this problem. i am always trying to figure out what on earth my problem is; what is it that drives me to LIE all the time?
i am having serious problems with my relationship with my bf cuz i get caught in lies so often it boggles his mind. and mine too! most often my lies come out as sort of a defense mechanism i think. for the sake of not getting into an arguement or even being questioned i start talking, and what comes out is a total lie. even if something wont get me in trouble, i will just say what i think they want to hear at the time.
but then i will do something ridiculous like butt dial the person i just lied to, or forget the lie i told n tell on myself, or leave evidence on my phone for someone to find, and i do it constantly! for a liar, im really lousy at it! i sometimes wonder if subconsciously im actually trying to be honest but cant. i dont know. it makes me feel ridiculous sometimes. acyually, always.
i am diagnosed with ptsd, i have gone thru quite a bit of heavy sexual trauma and other trauma as well, and go thru serious bouts of clinical depression. i am also a drug addict (heroin, primarily) i find that doping myself up takes away my guilt.
however, after years of lying to my father as a child so that i would b accepted n not lectured, or my mother to get money from her for my drug habit, or my boyfriends in my past to prevent them from yelling n screaming or beating me up, or my current bf so he wont keep threatening to leavee me and emotionally n intellectually abusing me, i come up with something quick n sometimes quite stupid sounding just to cover me from what may come. nagging, yelling, fights, all these things bring me to a bad, dark place where i throw fits, o.d., scream, cut myself, become reclusive... its a bad scene.
my problem isnt recognizing that i do this stuff, but figuring out how to stop doing it, and facing my demons. its terrifying to think of totally facing reality... i am also afraid i may have a diagnosis that i have never been given because i would lie to doctors.
i was so glad to find this site, and im looking forward to hearing some feedback. thanx!
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Re: why do i lie so much

Postby Billi Caine » Tue Sep 10, 2013 10:24 am

Hi There,
It sounds like what you have is an addiction to lying. To help you understand what this is and why you lie, here's 2 posts I wrote which I highly recommend you read...

compulsive-lying/topic103034.html

compulsive-lying/topic115788.html

To help you stop lying, here's another post I wrote. The tips, tools, techniques and strategies I outline will work if you work them...

compulsive-lying/topic116107.html

Big Hug,
Billi Caine
Lying is an addiction not a moral issue
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Re: why do i lie so much

Postby anonymouslyhurting » Tue Oct 15, 2013 11:04 pm

I was and still kind of am in your shoes. I had a boy who cried wolf situation that brought me to my senses. When I went to my best friends about depression and other things, they thought I was lying and ditched me. I learned my lesson, and from then on had tried really hard. I diminished my lies to small ones, which isn't good, but it is a fair improvement. However, other lies that I had told earlier began to catch up with me, and I decided to go to my school's counselor. I told her I didn't know why I lied, but how I wanted to stop. She started to list of reasons why I may be lying, and then she said it. I will always remember how that felt, it felt like a punch in the gut, but also sort of relieving. She asked whether or not I felt like I was worth something. And I realized I felt worthless, and unworthy of my friends, so I was lying to compensate for something. I have been working so hard since then, and have lied approximately 10 times in 5 months, which still isn't great, but better. So basically, what I'm trying to say throughout this long saga, is go to counseling as soon as possible or you risk losing people you care about, and believe me that is the worst feeling in the world. I hope this was somewhat helpful!
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Re: why do i lie so much

Postby ceaserflask » Wed May 07, 2014 10:38 am

Fascinating reading the posts on this thread.

I am a CL also and desperate to change I have been reading the self help guides by Bill Canie and I will start following these today.

It is so hard to come out and say I am a CL, you are regarded as less than scum. No one likes a liar, they tolerate drug addicts, alcoholics and wife beaters but CL are universally despised by all. As such, this makes coming out to loved ones so hard, that said, they usually know. I created a financial crisis by lying about it and ended up creating a terrible problem.

I would lie to my partner about anything and much like others on this forum it seems to be born out of fear of anything and everything, of real life itself. In fact, I would lie about anything, just talk and open my mouth. This did start as a youth to make myself sound more interesting, i was convinced that no one would find me interesting or want to get to know as I was and so I invented things about myself and got very good at it. It was also a way of dealing with bullies, finding out what they liked and then pretending that I did to and get them engaging in conversation. However, the problem was I never grew out of that low self esteem.

One lie forces another and it is so hard to say to yourself mid lie... stop... and correct yourself but this is what I must do. It might be too late for my relationship but this is something that I need to do. No one wants to let people know that they are a liar, instant hatred! But reading the comments on this forum have made me, for the first time feel better about myself.

I do have a problem but it is solvable and I am not abnormal with no right to live on the planet but a human being who has a problem that he needs to solve and it will be hard. Good to hear the other stories, so I am not freak I just have an addiction that only I can resolve and it will be with me forever. This a long haul solution.

Now that is me but what of the problems I have caused loved ones, how to rebuilt that? Thanks for all the positivity on this forum.
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Re: why do i lie so much

Postby colt » Fri May 09, 2014 9:59 pm

Welcome,
The only way I've found to rebuild the relationships we've trashed is to be honest all the time. It will take a lot of time. You can't push the issue. Let the people you've hurt have all the time they need to process the situation. There will be questions and trust issues until they feel comfortable that you have really changed.
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