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I can't stop lying

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I can't stop lying

Postby Svren » Wed Aug 19, 2015 12:24 am

Hello, my name is Dan and I am a compulsive liar, I am 18 years old and I am leaving for college in the morning and I need serious help, I do not know what to do anymore, I am ruining my relationship with my girlfriend, Best friends, even my parents, I can't tell a story without some part being a lie and if i tell a story to one person i could turn around and tell a different version of that story to someone else, I dont know what it is or how to control it or turn it off, I just want to save my friendships and relationships and enjoy my time in college without being called a liar and piece of sh*t, I don't know what im saying or what is coming out of my mouth half the time, i have no need or reasoning to lie and it is really starting to effect my life more then i would like, if anyone could tell me ways that would help me or even point me in the direction of an online therapist to assist me in this because it is out of hand and i feel like everything that i say is a lie and even my own family doesn't know what to believe this is all very hard on me and I feel like im a terrible person because i can't tell the truth no matter how hard i try and i can't take this anymore. Thank you.
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Re: I can't stop lying

Postby JimTheLiar » Thu Aug 20, 2015 1:53 pm

Welcome Svren, first, admitting that you have a problem and seeking help is a positive step in the right direction. I've been a compulsive liar all my life (I'm 48).
One of the things that I do to help keep myself in check is be present with myself, being aware of what triggers me to lie and really thinking about what I'm going to say before I say it. This is tough because we are so used to lying, it's so easy to go down that well worn path. My hypnotherapist uses the worn path analogy and it really helps me stay focused and to wear a new path that is the truth.

It's best to come clean to your GF, it may be hard and it may not go well with her ( it sure hasn't with my wife) but it could be a good thing too.
Good luck in school, focus on school, be honest with yourself.
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Re: I can't stop lying

Postby Henry Flowers » Fri Aug 21, 2015 3:57 am

Hey Dan - I agree with what JimtheLiar says. You have to slow everything down, so that you can think about every word that comes out of your mouth. It's possible to blab without thinking at all, and who knows what's going to come out when you do that, but if you slow down and think, you can make a choice with everything you say. It's tough to do, especially if you're in a habit of just talking. You won't be able to do it all the time, even when you have lots of practice.

Practice is the key, in my opinion.

Where are you going to college? I bet there's a health clinic where you can go in and talk to a counselor for free or for a minimal copay.

I lie when I'm afraid of getting in trouble. I anticipate what I think the other person (usually my wife) wants to hear, and then I say that. Often, I try to feel the way I think she wants me to feel. It never works, though, and I end up resentful and angry, and then I act passive aggressive.

What are some of the lies you've told? I have a hard time believing that you lie about everything all the time. Is it mostly to avoid something? Or to make yourself look better? Or is it really just totally random? Share some examples, and we can talk about it more on here.

It's great that you're figuring this out at 18. It totally sucks to be figuring it out at 47.

HF
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Re: I can't stop lying

Postby JimTheLiar » Sat Aug 22, 2015 11:49 pm

HF, lies and manipulation are the corner stone of the passive aggressive person (I should know ).
HF makes a great point, slow down and think about what you're going to say, it helps a great deal.
Please give us some examples of your lying, what's your trigger?
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Re: I can't stop lying

Postby ppxxmm » Mon Sep 21, 2015 10:05 am

hi there
it is awesome that at 18 u realize u want change
i did too when i was 18 and that was 12 years ago
very sadly i was too lacking in courage to pursue real change and to seek out a counsellor for the trauma and abuse in my childhood
instead of changing for the better i got increasingly bad even though i was in a perfect relationship with one of the kindest people around

i would say get a diary and be real and get a counsellor once a week
daily u jot down the lies, big and small (exaggerations are counted too) and daily u tell yourself 'i will not lie again' and in the mirror look yourself in the eye and say i love me - 'i love me too much to damage my life any further'

VERY IMPORTANT - realize that the past is the past and leave it there
NEVER try to force someone to listen to your confession
many a time, those around us love us enough to not force it out of us and it is incredibly painful and shaming for the ex liar

NEVER FORCE someone to listen to your confession please - i learnt this the hard way
always remember kindness is MORE important than truth
u have disrespected the people u have lied to once when u lie to them , do not disrespect them and hurt them again by forcing your truths on them - this is what u NEED TO remember NO MATTER what people say about the power of coming clean

your friends and gf likely already know you lie and maybe even how much you lie (it is not easy to have no one find out) - YOU promise yourself to lie less each day and one day u will find that it is actually so easy to be clean

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU
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