A good reply by myopicdreams
a couple more books I would recommend you read.
"Why Love Matters; how affection shapes a baby's brain" by Sue Gerhardt
"What Every Parent Needs To Know" by Margot Sunderland
I've got some excerpts of the latter on my blog http://sycofx.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/ ... s-to-know/
As Myopic said; the abused can become the abuser, but it is by no means certain that an abused person WILL become an abuser. But if they do, it is important to be aware that the process is predominantly autonomous, it's a form of adaption and compensation for the lack of control you would have experienced during the experience of being abused, it's a need to feel greater control to compensate and the pursuit of that control leads to abusive behaviour. Abusive behaviour is essentially a form of trying to maintain control over your environment, in other words; a fear of not being in control. The abusiveness can be a side effect of trying to maintain tight controls over experience and environment.
"From the highest person to the lowest person, self-development must be deemed the root of all, by every person. If this root is neglected, what grows from it cannot be well-ordered." Confucius