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I feel selfish and guilty. SELF HARM TW

Open Discussions About Child Abuse

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I feel selfish and guilty. SELF HARM TW

Postby yobata » Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:33 pm

Hey guys, I'm writing this because I wanted to get a second opinion about my situation. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and was diagnosed about two years ago. I currently live with my parents who don't really understand what it feels like to have mental illness and how it can limit you. When I was first diagnosed my mom tried to deny it, but I expected that. Now, after getting rejected from nursing school for this cycle, she's consistently telling me I'm faking my illlness and I'm just lazy. She said she's giving up on the prospect of me getting a respectable job like a nurse and I should just give up. She treats me like I'm using my illness to get away with being 'lazy', although in the past I've worked three jobs just to save up for nursing school and whatnot. I'll be honest and say I've lied to her before and lied to her about how I'm going to another friend's house when I'm actually going to my boyfriend's. But I get massive anxiety just talking to her because if I don't give her an answer she likes she gets upset and lectures me about how I'm wasting my life away, so in the end it's easier to lie to her even if it's not the right thing to do. She treats me differently from my sister because my sister is 'normal' and I'm apparently acting crazy for attention. She tells me I'm exaggerating, but she knows I cut myself and I have suicidial thoughts that can be dangerously recurring. I'm planing to move out as soon as possible because she makes me feel awful, but I get worried if I REALLY am making all this up just to get attention. It sounds ridiculous. I know what I've been through and that you can't fake something like that, but nevertheless I still have the nagging feeling that I'm just being selfish and shady. I'm terrified, but I know I need to gerbil out of here. Does anyone else feel like they're faking their illness?
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