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Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

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Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby Madeleine8908 » Sun Feb 05, 2017 9:37 pm

*mod edit* My dad was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to my mom during the entirety of their marriage, so my mom divorced him three years ago and I now live with her and my older sister who has a mental disability. My mom never hurts my sister in any way, only me. I don't want to live with my mom, but there is no one else I can go to, as my dad and other relatives are unstable and I can't abandon my sister.

She doesn't care about my health or well being. I have had depression and self harmed since I was about ten years old. I attempted suicide by overdosage when I was twelve. My mother was very angry, and said that if I had been successful I would have gone to hell, and she would have to spank me since it was against God to take or try to take yourown life. I was professionally diagnosed with depression, took Prozac and therapy for a while which helped, but then she took me off since she insisted I was just seeking attention. She said i'm just a child, therefore my issues are nonexistent, and I might feel sad but I wasn't depressed. She found razors in my room, then punched, slapped, and hit me because I lied to her and said that I stopped self harming, and she thought that if she spanked me it would teach me not to self harm anymore. I have fallen back into depression again, and think about suicide on a daily basis.

My mother doesn't respect me, or give me privacy. She uninstalled the locks on my bedroom and the bathroom door, removed the shower curtain and walks in while i'm taking a shower and looks at me. She says it's okay since she's my family, and I 'belong' to her. This is disgusting, but she walks around completely naked 24/7 and has once shaken her naked butt in front of my face and got mad when I got angry about it. She thinks it's okay to touch me anywhere she wants. She once asked me if I was wearing a bra (I was at the time, I always wear one,) then proceeded to squeeze my breast. I told her to stop, then she started yelling at me. My aunt was there at the time, told me to stop being disrespectful, and touched my breast too. She slaps or pinches my butt frequently, and says she's just being 'playful.' She has read my diaries and snooped in my room.

She gets angry at me over very minor things. For example we were in a long line at a grocery store, and I suggested we move to the next line which was shorter. She did, but it was an express line so she couldn't use it, so she screamed at me for making her leave her place in line, and slapped me. Once we were in the car she punched me, and left two scars on my face. She beats me with belts, leaving welts and minor cuts. When I was younger she used to use a hanger to beat my fingers with until they bruised whenever I made her mad. She insults me constantly, telling me i'm ugly, fat, stupid, crazy, etc., She sits, complains, whines, and watches tv all day and depends on child support and her sister loaning her money to pay bills, since she's too lazy to get a good job.

Alternatively, but not very often, she shows me affection or is somewhat polite to me. Everyone at my mother's job loves her and thinks she's a lovely person, but they have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. It makes me wonder if i'm just overreacting? Thank you for any advice.
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Sun Feb 05, 2017 11:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: privacy
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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby thought00fraught » Mon Feb 06, 2017 9:41 am

No you're not overreacting. She sounds all kinds of messed up.

All I can say is that living with parents is really, really hard, but if you can wait it out, life can and does get better when you break out alone.
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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby atina » Tue Feb 07, 2017 3:46 am

Dear Madeleine:

Your mother is severely abusive. If I was you, I would get someone's help- a teacher, a counselor at school, or go to a police station and tell about the severe abuse you are suffering, insist that you don't want to live with your severely abusive mother anymore. In other words, seek shelter away from your abuser. This is what I would do if I was you-

seek shelter, a safe place.

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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby Terry E. » Wed Feb 08, 2017 2:40 am

thought00fraught wrote:No you're not overreacting. She sounds all kinds of messed up.

All I can say is that living with parents is really, really hard, but if you can wait it out, life can and does get better when you break out alone.


sometimes it winds up being the only option

as a child I was told again and again, "you will look back one day, and realise these are the best years of your life". I used to wonder if they were serious, and then came to realise that they had no clue what life could be like for others"

needless to say, they were the worst days of my life, and my life by most standards turned out okay.

Plan your future, look after yourself, and mentally start moving forward
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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby thedifferentone » Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:17 pm

I want you to know that you aren't alone. I can't relate so much to the seemingly sexual abuse aspect of this, but I also have an extremely abusive mother. She goes on rampages where she tries to make my life miserable. I've been having health problems lately and the more she finds out about them, the more she feeds off of it. She tells me I'm "not normal" because of my health problems that I cannot do anything about. any day that i choose not to wear makeup or i don't wear jewelry, or I don't dress up fashionably, she says she can't stand to look at me and that I need to put on makeup because i look bad. she yells at me any time i try to have any kind of conversation with her whatsoever; I can't even ask her to buy some bananas from the grocery store without her saying that I am such an inconvenience to her. any small mishap in the house becomes a screaming match. for example, if there are dishes in the sink, instead of reminding me to wash them, she'll start screaming and cursing at me. she told me many times that i cause her unhappiness. she even admitted to me once that she sees my dad in me, and that it makes her angry. every day is hell, but i can't quite escape from this house yet because i'm a college student and i am still financially dependent on her for the time being. ive asked her to apologize for making me feel like $#%^ before and she instantly replied with threats to take my financial aid away (she's the co-signer). she refuses to see logic once she starts yelling (which is every discussion). I recently had surgery and needed her to help me do a certain chore. She threw my belongings on the floor and left the room instead, making things so much harder for me to complete. after she goes on these rampages, she proceeds to go to her room and call her friends to vent about my dad and how horrible of a person he is and blah blah blah. but this never stops and this has been happening for 3 years now. She says the same stuff to her friends about my dad all the time, & the lines haven't even changed for 3 years. Sometimes i wonder if her friends get tired of hearing it. My dad left her for the same reason that i wish i could leave her. She calls me a ######6 bitch if i try to ignore her and yells over me if i reply. she has only tried to physically abuse me once. i fought back and she hasn't tried it again since. On my birthday this year, she heard my conversation on the phone with my dad when i called him to thank him for my present. She proceeded to come into my room and tell me that she is no longer getting me a birthday cake since i want to talk to my father. I have a playstation tbat i love playing, and she once told me that i shouldn't play it because she doesn't see other girls from my school doing that. she discourages individuality and encourages insecurity. My psychologist thinks she may have a personality disorder. But i still don't know what to do and she makes me go insane. i just go to my room and cry and cry after she insults me and she never shows that she cares at all. I was curled up in a ball in tears one night because her insults wouldn't stop and she laughed and said she was going to take a picture of me. she is inhumane and has many problems. I dont know how to deal with this because i have seen that being calm with her doesn't help. i'm stuck.
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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby Terry E. » Sun Mar 12, 2017 9:21 pm

yeah you are stuck, been there myself

two things I can relate, to, my mother hated my father. For what I do not know. Hated is too mild a word. In her worse moments she beat us very severely. Not when angry and at times with the most flimsy excuse, and I believe she was taking out her hatred on him on us.

the other is the financial imperative.When I got older I was studying and it had been very hard to get into UNI, because of my home life. Once there I found it easier, but I did not have the funds or resources to live alone and study. I do not regret staying.

I tried to not be at home too much. This may not be something you can do, but it helped.

Think of your future, think of being free, think of it as doing time, when it is over you are free.

Do you have any other family at home ?

How far is you dad from you. Could you move there if you really had to ? Would it work ?

Do you have any friends you can hang out with to help balance the crap.

Do you have any sport or hobby, to help get your head out of the house ?
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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby thedifferentone » Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:31 am

i'll take those suggestions into consideration. i think youre right, i should get out of he house as much as i can and stay busy away from my mom
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Re: Is my mother emotionally abusive/toxic?

Postby nothingtohide » Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:24 pm

Yes, yes, and you probably already know this, but yes. I believe you, everyone else here does too. You can plan a way to get in touch with a school counselor secretly and figure out the best course of action. You may be old enough for emancipation, or temp housing while DSS investigates your living situation. I would also check to see if she is in contempt of court (re: the divorce and parental alienation) because jail sometimes seems to be the only boundary an abusive parent will respect.

PLEASE put yourself first. In all things. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve this.
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