Okay. Before I get started, I just want to say that I have told people of my situation before, but I don't really feel comfortable talking to someone I know in real life. I feel more comfortable telling someone I don't know, since they do not know me personally. I need to start fresh. So, let me give some background information.
I am a teen (please hear me out) and female. For and outsider looking in, I seem to have a great life. And in reality, I do. I have what everyone else wants, but I don't want it. I'm sick of it. I've had it my entire life, and I'm ready to make a change. People think I have the ideal life. I am an only child, I am homeschooled, and I have very caring parents (or should I say father?). I have a phone. I have an iPad. I have a computer. I have a nice house. My parents have a fair bit of money and can afford luxuries. But I don't want it.
I want to go to school like everyone else, I want to have an annoying little brother, and I want to just be NORMAL. I feel alone, and trapped. And most of all, I feel vulnerable and abused. Here's where the real story comes in. My mom doesn't work, and stays home, so I am pretty much home with my mom all day. I love my dad. He is kind, considerate, and wants what's best for me. It's my mom that I don't like.
She is constantly provoking me, and making me fight. On average, I'd say we fight about 4 times a day. She never gets physical (although she used to slap me when I was younger) but she HURTS. She thinks something and she's not afraid to speak her mind. She thinks I have pimples (which I do), she will literally say "you have pimples." Okay fine, but she does this a lot. And over time, I feel like she is degrading my very soul. She thinks I am fat, and she will tell me "you're fat." And I hate it.
It makes me feel so vulnerable. I feel like I'm being torn away from my life. I do not have many friends, but I try to go over to their house as often as possible. It takes my mind away from my current situation. I envy the relationship my friends have with their parents, and I envy that they can just TALK to them without getting mad. I can't do that.
I just can't. I feel so alone in this world. And honestly, I just want to go to school. I don't want to be home all day. I have so much free time that I am bored for 80% of the day. I want to be normal. I want to be the one with an annoying little brother. I want to be the one who goes to school. I want to be like everyone else. I spend probably at least 20 minutes every day, just laying in bed, crying. I just need someone to relate to. I feel desperate, I feel violated, I feel alone, and I feel abused.