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I feel trapped, alone, and abused

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I feel trapped, alone, and abused

Postby WolfSpirit1 » Tue Jan 31, 2017 3:38 pm

Okay. Before I get started, I just want to say that I have told people of my situation before, but I don't really feel comfortable talking to someone I know in real life. I feel more comfortable telling someone I don't know, since they do not know me personally. I need to start fresh. So, let me give some background information.

I am a teen (please hear me out) and female. For and outsider looking in, I seem to have a great life. And in reality, I do. I have what everyone else wants, but I don't want it. I'm sick of it. I've had it my entire life, and I'm ready to make a change. People think I have the ideal life. I am an only child, I am homeschooled, and I have very caring parents (or should I say father?). I have a phone. I have an iPad. I have a computer. I have a nice house. My parents have a fair bit of money and can afford luxuries. But I don't want it.

I want to go to school like everyone else, I want to have an annoying little brother, and I want to just be NORMAL. I feel alone, and trapped. And most of all, I feel vulnerable and abused. Here's where the real story comes in. My mom doesn't work, and stays home, so I am pretty much home with my mom all day. I love my dad. He is kind, considerate, and wants what's best for me. It's my mom that I don't like.

She is constantly provoking me, and making me fight. On average, I'd say we fight about 4 times a day. She never gets physical (although she used to slap me when I was younger) but she HURTS. She thinks something and she's not afraid to speak her mind. She thinks I have pimples (which I do), she will literally say "you have pimples." Okay fine, but she does this a lot. And over time, I feel like she is degrading my very soul. She thinks I am fat, and she will tell me "you're fat." And I hate it.

It makes me feel so vulnerable. I feel like I'm being torn away from my life. I do not have many friends, but I try to go over to their house as often as possible. It takes my mind away from my current situation. I envy the relationship my friends have with their parents, and I envy that they can just TALK to them without getting mad. I can't do that.

I just can't. I feel so alone in this world. And honestly, I just want to go to school. I don't want to be home all day. I have so much free time that I am bored for 80% of the day. I want to be normal. I want to be the one with an annoying little brother. I want to be the one who goes to school. I want to be like everyone else. I spend probably at least 20 minutes every day, just laying in bed, crying. I just need someone to relate to. I feel desperate, I feel violated, I feel alone, and I feel abused.

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Re: I feel trapped, alone, and abused

Postby avatar123 » Wed Feb 01, 2017 11:51 pm

I'm sorry you're going through this. Could you talk to your dad about possibly ending the home-schooling and attending school? Home-schooling can be great for younger kids but as a teen, it's understandable that you'd want to be out of the house and socially involved with others your own age.

It sounds like your mom and you are too close, in each other's annoyance zone, probably because it's gone on too long now. Parents can say things that hurt without realizing, they think they are helping but it has the opposite effect.

Going to school has it's own challenges, but at least they'd be different from what you have now, which sounds like it's become a rut. I would think your dad might be open to this, if you approach it the right way, not so much complaining about your mom, as pointing out the new opportunities it would bring you, and that you want to have friends and be involved in social things at school. Those are pretty reasonable requests. It might be healthier for your mom too, she would have a chance to pursue outside interests. Your relationship with her might improve if you weren't together all the time.
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Re: I feel trapped, alone, and abused

Postby thought00fraught » Tue Feb 07, 2017 12:42 am

I don't have anything profound to say, except count down the days/weeks/years until you are out of there.

Being a teenager is really hard - whatever the circumstances - but please believe that it can and does get easier as you slowly get more control over your own life.
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