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Was I emotionally/physically abused?

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Was I emotionally/physically abused?

Postby chewbaca » Tue Jan 24, 2017 10:33 pm

So my dad and I have this very inconsistent relationship. It's not close at all but sometimes it's just okay and other times I hate his guts.

Back when I was a little girl my dad used to take me to school. I would often run later than him getting dressed and when I wasn't ready he would curse me and threaten to beat me because he said that he had to get to work. I remember a lot of car rides to school I would be crying. I hated my family and I hated my life. He would constantly yell at my mom and me and my siblings for the smallest stuff like not knowing where the remote was and would literally cause the whole house distress.I remember it got so bad that my mom threatened to leave him and even went out looking for a place to stay. My mom told me that I would have to live with my dad. She never moved though.

Throughout the years of my childhood with my dad I was made to feel small and I felt like I was overreacting to the emotional trauma my dad put me through which caused low self esteem. I thought I was just sensitive and different. He would beat me with his belt sometimes for being a normal kid at school. I don't remember ever being disrespectful. I was just a really active girl. I would do stuff like not stay in my seat as the teacher was talking and talking while the teacher was trying to teach; not out of disrespect but I never knew when it was the right time to talk or listen. As he would beat me, he would curse me and yell at me.

When I got to high school, it got the worst. I had low self esteem as it is and on top of that I was at a new school where I knew no one. My dad would still come home yelling and cursing and everything at me sometimes. I rebelled. I started to fight him back when he would be centimeters away from my face and would point his finger in my face. I would move his finger and he would get upset and tell me to "do it again and see what I do". I fought him several times but he always won. He would press my face against the floor, choke me, put his knee to my back to restrain me. This one time, I was in trouble for something and he told me to go to my room. I was starving because I didn't eat that day. So I told him I would after I ate. He got up from the couch and tried to snatch my food away. I snatched it back. Next thing I know, he's looking at me like I'm some dude he hates on the street. He gives me this scary look. All I remember next is him putting his fists up like he was going to fight me, me punching him in the stomach, and my jaw being messed up from his one punch. I couldn't eat comfortably for weeks. He would justify his actions too. I'll admit I was a depressed girl. I would sometimes get angry and lash out verbally against my parents. But he would always finish it off with him hurting me or threatening to hurt me. Was some of this my fault for being so angry and lonely because I was having a hard time adjusting to school? Was this abuse?
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Re: Was I emotionally/physically abused?

Postby Cheonsa » Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:18 am

I'm sorry to say, but in my opinion, this was abuse - no doubt about it. Feeling angry and lonely in your circumstances was entirely natural. Besides, no excuse would ever be great enough to justify your father's behavior.
I've also had cripplingly low self-esteem throughout most of my life. We moved when I was entering fourth grade, and ever since then I've never been the same. I tried to fight back against abuse as well, not that it did any good. It only made it worse.
I'm so sorry you had to face this, too. I wish I could give you a hug (if you aren't averse to physical contact), but alas, this is the internet...
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Re: Was I emotionally/physically abused?

Postby Terry E. » Tue Feb 28, 2017 7:06 am

Agree completely, well put.
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