I do feel very lost, but I guess this first stage may do that to me because its shocking and even traumatizing to realize. But I plan to be an Art Therapist -that's what I am in school for- and I am interested in how the mind works, both in myself and others. I will make sure I face this issue in full eventually.
On the topic of taking action I know that I need/will need to but I am too heartbroken to do so yet. I am used to leaving the technical planning to my mom.
But I am getting better... Today I am realizing that I feel intruded on, and she does literally barge in my room without knocking. But really its an internal invasion. I have let her switch around and put her name on parts of me, being entitled to them. In reality, she didnt switch it around- I did. I did it as a child to feel validated and like a good person. I wasn't shown unconditional love so I adapted to get love in the way that was provided- conditionally.
I have shown to naturally be self-motivated when I was younger. But in this dynamic I have become reliant on her. So I will take the steps in observing my thoughts and questioning them so that my true traits/beliefs are present. I did this with my dad and have managed to heal, so Im sure I can with her!
I just have fears of things like her kicking me out if I say certain things, or if I let fear paralyze me past an event such as her using my money. But I am prone to anxiety if I over-analyze, so I will do my best with where I am. I like to work on my internal experience before my external because if I am not clear on how I feel, or what I believe then how are my actions going to be a success? If I feel desperate Ill make rash decisions!
I need help from people but I dont know where to turn, Ill keep my eye out for help though! And thats why I posted on here.
Thanks for your reply. Having the internet is literally a life saver. I wouldn't know what I know or interact with people like you if it weren't for it!