Abuse and moving away from abusive relationships

Hi...I was directed to this forum by a friend while looking for a support network for a certain "thing". Please excuse me if this is not the right forum, as my post touches on several issues so I was not sure where to post it.

I was abused very much by my father and mother in different ways when I was little. I was completely smothered by my mother, who would leave for periods of time so I was left with my father, who would either completely ostracize me or spend his time shouting at me, telling me I wasn't good enough, and so on. As I grew, my relationships grew worse and worse. I hit an all-time low around this time last year and I ended up seeking therapy and medication, both of which I am still partaking in to this day -- therapy weekly.

Around the time I hit that "all-time low" I fell into a string of DD/lg relationships which I believe were extremely unhealthy. (This post is not to discuss this but I feel it is an important detail -- I see this forum does not allow discussion of these topics?). These relationships were very explosive and went from very long-lived to very short lived. Now I am trying to break this habit among my many others.

The main point of this post is to describe a recent therapy session I had. As I become more self-aware and understanding and I slowly, but surely, begin to learn how I truly work on the inside...I start to question my relationships.

A point that my therapist and I have come to is: we see damaging relationships as "exciting" because the explosion, the tidal wave of emotions, being completely enamored then arguing and fighting endlessly, is what we are used to...thus, we see our normal relationships as "boring". I haven't quite figured out the next part yet, but it seems that I need to almost "force" myself into relationships that are not "exciting" but are instead the (slightly more objective) view of "healthy". Then, over time, I will begin to adjust and understand that the excitement of past relationships is not really what I should be looking for.

Does this make sense to anyone? Is this something you agree or disagree with? I would like to see opinions that are both dissenting as well as in agreement...I would like to see this discussion from the perspective of others.

Again, apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

aesthesys wrote:


A point that my therapist and I have come to is: we see damaging relationships as "exciting" because the explosion, the tidal wave of emotions, being completely enamored then arguing and fighting endlessly, is what we are used to...thus, we see our normal relationships as "boring". I haven't quite figured out the next part yet, but it seems that I need to almost "force" myself into relationships that are not "exciting" but are instead the (slightly more objective) view of "healthy". Then, over time, I will begin to adjust and understand that the excitement of past relationships is not really what I should be looking for.

Does this make sense to anyone? Is this something you agree or disagree with? I would like to see opinions that are both dissenting as well as in agreement...I would like to see this discussion from the perspective of others.

Again, apologies if this is in the wrong forum.

Okay you have found a great therapist. You are lucky. I don't know why, but yep, we fall into that pattern of behaviour. I often thought it was because I was actually comfortable with Chaos, I would cause it.

as why you are interested in entering into a discussion with people who believe this is a good thing, ..... I am sure there may be forums here for that, but don't think that discussion belongs in Abuse