Reaching out. Doing this on the abuse forum b/c there is a history of abuse from family/old friends.
I can't decide if I have been the one who has been "toxic" or if my family/childhood friends have been. I've made mistakes but I wonder how much my "mistakes" have been not so bad.
I am going "limited contact"/distancing from my parents, but decided to keep my siblings in my life. But now I wonder if THAT is the best thing.
I think that a couple of my friends have distanced themselves from me but I don't know if that's b/c I started the distance or if they believe I'm toxic.
I'm bipolar, have anxiety, and I look back and feel remorse for many of my behaviors toward them. However, a lot of that stuff I've done only when in my moods. The stuff they do to me is often outside their moods.
Last week I saw such a friend and yesterday/today I texted with my brother. Have been emailing with my sister. They are being nice but I can't tell whether or not it's ok to keep them in my life.
This is a tough one. They do offer support to me. But b/c of our past they "trigger" me. I end up feeling guilty for my past actions. Again I don't know if it's ME or them or both.
So confused. One of my siblings drops in and out of therapy. I have made a couple of suggestions for therapy to her. She is aware that my family is dysfunctional. So are my other two. So that is GOOD. i don't know, I'm so confused!!!
I really love my family. They screw up royally but then I think they feel guilty and try to repair things. The thing is, my skin is thin and I end up feeling like crap at times after seeing them.
So I've distanced myself. I don't see them. That I am going to stick with. I'm just confused as to whether or not to be in contact at ALL. B/c sometimes they are validating and supportive.
They have been abusive in the past but some of their actions and words tell me they know they are wrong. Then the behavior happens again. Then there is remorseful action and an EFFORT on their part.
What do I do....I feel like if I cut them out, I'm screwed. If I interact, I'm screwed.
Some people in my shoes I know decide to do "limited contact." I'm wondering if that is ok or "no contact."
Sometimes i miss them very much and so I text/email on my own.
The new people in my life do not do this stuff to me. Or at least I don't feel that way with them. Then again, there is no "history."
Advice, anyone? No Contact or Limited Contact?