Aggressive, Selfish and Controlling Mother and Now Father

Hi my name is Lisa,

I'm relatively new to these forums so it's not often that I come here. This isn't a whine thread or a post, I am actually dealing with the reality of aggressive parents and all the garbage that goes with them.

Ah yes parents, the care-givers and supporter of kids. Or so they should be. It happened about 6 years ago and I still suffer because of it. My mother has been aggressive since I was a child. I recall her and my father getting into fights all the time, her screaming and yelling and getting physical.

It was such a mess. Half of the time I felt scared, embarrassed but always told to 'keep quiet'. On top of being African American I had to deal with uncaring neighbors and their kids who only picked and plotted ways to try to 'pick' me off for being black. I was a very pretty little girl, about 7, 8 but I was always picked on by the boys and talked down to by the girls in a predominately rural white neighborhood. I look at those pictures now and realize how jealous, pathetic, and idiotic those parents and their kids were. I couldn't even experience dating because of the racism I suffered, which, was not my fault as I was a decent and kind young girl. The parents were assholes too and were often manipulators using their kids or themselves to 'get what they want'. Often times out of JEALOUSY that a black family owned a home NICER than theirs with FURNITURE that wasn't PASSED down from their grandma old and beaten up.

Back then my Mother would come to my aid and would actually protect me. Once I hit high school though things began to change, my mother would get angry if I wouldn't go to church with her and one time nearly exploded because I refuse to wear a suit to church. The problem is my mother also had a dictatorship. She would use the bible to manipulate me and tried to make me feel bad in order to obey her. That is why I stay away from church because of her, because I don't want to suffer in a pew while my mother raises her hands in public praising the lord yet is a self-centered devil at home. Screaming, mental and emotional harassment and even physical violence at times.

I realize now that church was used as a manipulation device when I was younger to keep my parents happy and do what they want, not what I wanted. When I didn't want to go to church anymore or got tired because of her purposely exerting "control" over me in public via verbally, she would become upset. I told her to stop publically telling me what to do when I went to church and let me move around as a young person. I hated the idea of being henned up, I couldn't even speak to people my own age my mother would helicopter and literally spy on the conversation.

The same screaming I witness as a child she would slowly but surely start doing it to me. The more I got older, the more screaming she did. Then she got over-dose by her doctor and the experience was HORRIBLE. I literally had a mother that flew into rage-fits and acted like she was going to have nervous break-downs all the time. All this was happening while I was going to school. Come to find out she was taking weight-loss medication and was HIDING it from us.

She would say weird and odd things and when we moved into an apartment after she 'ran' away from our original home (both parents sold it and my mother took me down to Maryland). The Maryland fiasco was worst. She developed a phobia of not wanting to cook yet didn't want me, as her daughter, to learn anything as a control-factor. I couldn't even cook the simplistic ingredients the first thing she would say is that I would 'waste' the ingredients before I even got the chance to try. She automatically assumed the worst for me before even giving me a chance.

She ended up buying this old house from some guy with a two-tone car. The house inside didn't even have a floor in the basement, it was completely made out of dirt and cemented boulders were pushing outward, taking up nearly half the space. The house itself was old, the owner before it kindly left all his garbage and junk inback of the house. It was sold by my mother's mother's "friend", another vicious women who's so called friendships always ended in shadiness.

I came to find out that the house didn't even have running water yet the woman SOLD it to us, my gullible mother believing her witch of a mother's friend was someone to trust.

Much of what you wrote reminds me of my own mother's behavior. She is a narcissist. While I don't know if that is your mother, I know that I wish I knew more about it decades ago, but people were relatively clueless back then. I only mention it as a possibility so you might learn about it and determine if that is the case and get help for yourself sooner rather than later.