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I'm being bullied at work and it's making me ill

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I'm being bullied at work and it's making me ill

Postby Chihuahua » Sun Aug 01, 2010 10:30 pm

At my place of work, there's the retail assistants (which is what I am), the supervisors, the asst. manager and then the manager. Well, I'm being bullied by one of the supervisors and it's been going on for months. I've complained about her twice but the manager and others said I was being really sensitive and that she wasn't bullying me. I just needed to toughen up.

Anyway, here are some of the things she has been doing to me:

There are many times when she criticises me. She will tell me I’m going too slow on the shop floor, tell me I’m not scanning fast enough when there are big queues and doesn’t seem to realise (or turns a blind eye to) that there are big queues because it’s busy and not because I’m a slow cashier, tells me I’m being impatient when I ring the till bell twice in a short space of time (the bell tells another cashier to come on the till), tells me to use a bit of initiative and when I do use initiative tells me off because I didn’t get permission before I did the job (such as filling something that was looking empty). Nothing I do is right. She tells me to do something, I do it, and then she'll tell me off for doing it.

There have been instances when she has denied me breaks at the end of the day but has let everyone else have theirs. One time I was staying over for delivery. She let the people who were leaving at 6pm go for a short break outside and when I went to follow them outside she told me that it was only for people to have a cigarette break even though she herself doesn’t smoke and neither do two other staff members, who were also outside having their break.

She patronises me a lot. She makes fun of me because I’m forgetful. When it was said that till pens would cost £1 if they were lost (she said that, no one else did) she said that I’d probably have to pay a fiver each week because I would always lose mine. She keeps telling me to do something useful instead of just either a) standing there doing nothing or b) walking around like a lost sheep when I’m actually working really hard.

She shouted at me through the intercom when the shop was closed because she gave me a deadline and I had gone past the deadline. It was when the shop was closed but two others were present as well and it made me feel very silly. She humiliates me in front of customers by telling me off for little things, such as not getting a bell immediately, ringing twice and other small things. She also tells me off when I’ve done nothing wrong.

She is always giving me deadlines that are unrealistic and she gives me other jobs in-between as well so that I am never able to finish the first job she told me to do. I feel like I’m just being bombarded with tasks and deadlines and there is just no way that I can do all of them at once and finish them within the deadline.

She watches me a lot and seems to be there when I mess up, giving her the ability to shout at me or criticise me.

I’m always apologising to her, especially as I’ve been dropping things recently. She always makes me feel really guilty because she gives me evil looks.

I found this on another forum: Bullies separate and isolate their targets, sometimes going as far as to cause division within the target's family. The bully is likely to be manipulating your work colleagues into distancing themselves from you, either by sweet-talking them with charm, or by playing on their vulnerabilities whilst raising doubts about their job security

There are a couple of instances where this has happened. Firstly, it happened when we all went for a night out. She had told everyone that I had filed a complaint about her and that she was thinking of quitting her job, because of me. Everyone abandoned me that night, leaving me on my own. I was in tears. Another supervisor was vile to me that night; she kept giving me evils and saying nasty things to me that I couldn't hear. It is what the bully wanted. I went into the toilets and they were in there. As I went in one of the cubicles, the other supervisor shouted at the top of her voice, “You’re not leaving because of that bitch *my name*!” Since that night, she hasn’t been the same with me. This is also happening with another work colleague. She is being really rude and patronising to me and she is also best friends with the bully. Since that night where everyone turned against me because I complained, I have been reluctant to complain since.

The bully's best friend recently made a false allegation to me. I'm very pleasant. I always say please and thank you and I'm nice to everyone. Everyone. She complained to the manager about me and said I was rude to her on the tills. I was up in the office and told off. Then the accuser came in and told her story again. I couldn't believe what she was saying. It was all lies! Needless to say, my manager believed her story and I got a slap on the wrist (not literally) and was forced to apologise.

I've written a journal, as well, listing everything she has done to me. I've got times, dates, I have even written down witnesses, and I plan to hand it in to my manager when I've got a good handful of pages for her to read. I'm really suffering. It's coming to the point where I'm fearful of losing my job. I feel incompetent. To be honest, I am getting to the point of being that way because I'm terrified of her and and also of the other work colleague. She is making me nervous to the point where it's affecting my work. I've been having migraines, suffering with bowel problems, can't sleep, am having nightmares when I DO manage to get to sleep, am shaky and I also feel a little out of touch with reality. I seem to have this anger inside of me, but it's directed at me. I've developed a mantra inside and I repeat it to myself in my head. It goes "I'm absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with me." Or sometimes it goes "I'm okay. I'm okay." and it just repeats. I feel I'm doing this to try and reassure myself that I'm coping, when it's obvious I'm not. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I hardly laugh anymore, I burst into tears, I'm angry and confused.

I don't want to quit. I'm autistic and this is the first job I've managed to get. If I quit, I don't know how long it would be until I found another job. I also don't want to quit because I think I'm a strong person; I've just been struck with a psychiatric injury that has knocked me from my foundations. It's not in my nature to quit. I'm a fighter, not a quitter. I'll fight and fight until I get so emotionally drained that I can't cope. I just really need to know what to do.

Should I keep writing things down in my journal and then hand it in to my manager? How can I cope with the stress? Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Re: I'm being bullied at work and it's making me ill

Postby Chucky » Tue Aug 03, 2010 9:13 pm

I really feel for you, Chihuahua. Bullying is arguably the one thing in life that makes me most angry. I just cannot bear the thought of one person 'getting one over' on another all of the time, as is the case in bullying. Your supervisor seems to be doing her job poorly, because - yes - she has isolated you. As the definition of bullying you read said, she has probably done this by sweet-talking the others and then taking her frustrations out on you. At this point, she is most likely doing all this out of habit. It shows that she isn't trained for her job, in my opinion.

Continue to compile your list but I advise that you type it on your computer and then compose it as an official-looking letter. If you just hand-in handwritten notes, you won't get as much credibility as you would if you handed in a letter-formatted printed page(s). Know what i mean? I advise that you read over it carefully many times too, and ensure that you aren't rambling in it. make your points and don't expand too much on them. Be as professional as you can be.

Who knows what will eventually come of all of this. I doubt that the supervisor will lose her job, and I doubt that you will either. I imagine that the supervisor will be advised to change how she interacts with her employees, and that you might be encouraged to talk more to the others. If I was manager, that is what I would say.

Kevin
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Re: I'm being bullied at work and it's making me ill

Postby VioletYoshi » Tue Jan 04, 2011 4:55 am

Tell your manager the problems of the world mostly aren't due to oversensitive people, they are due to insensetive people. It's incredibly juvenile of her to attack you the bullying victim, and defend the bully, you are not the one with a problem here. Find a way to contact the head of the business chain you work for, and report your boss to them.

Your boss may be a bully, and is unable to relate to someone who has their empathy skills intact. Just try to go above them as much as you can, or as a last resort threaten to get the courts involved. You are not the person who is wrong in any way regarding this situation. You're just a good person, unfortunately in the position of being under the thumb of a bully boss in control. It seems to me the boss favors your tormentor, because they are both sick in the same way.

Also nothing irritates me more than someone saying something is wrong with people who are oversensitive. I was told that I was oversensitive throughout my time in public school, I'm 28 now. I truly think those who bully are sociopaths, and while some may be able to realize their sickness and find help for it, many don't and even claim the normal people with empathy are the sick ones just to avoid what monsters they've become
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Re: I'm being bullied at work and it's making me ill

Postby serephim » Sat May 28, 2011 5:35 pm

(((HUGS)))
PLEASE go to these sites, follow the links, & follow the advice EXACTLY:

bullyonline.org/workbully/serial.htm

bullyonline.org/workbully/munchaus.htm

I'm trying to survive a serial Munhausen by Proxy Psychopath, and this site has been amazingly helpful. DONT engage, defend yourself, talk to her, about her, etc. this is EXACTLY what she gets off on. Please read & follow the above links, keep a personal account of all incidents and dates AT HOME (not at work where she & her fellow terrorists can use againt you)-mabye under the title 'abuse'?
Do Not Tell ANYONE-supervisors, co-workers, anyone she might possibly know.
When (& if you decide to), give your records to an Attorney to strike HARD & FAST-don't let her know ANYTHING else about you-she obviously has been doing this for a VERY long time, is a Serial Bully (a Cold Blooded Psycho-path), and must have a very long sordid history of this.

IT IS NOT YOU!!! (HUGS)

You have PDSD (Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder)-

Her 'Deliberate & therefore ACTS of MALICE' have caused you:
Personal Injury-IE: "The current state of my physical & mental well-being is a direct consequence of (her)___________'s behaviour toward me in the last [weeks/months/years]
___________'s bullying causes Psychiatric injury (PDSD-Prolonged Duress Stress Disorder) & __________'s behaviour toward me have resulted in the conditions being satisfied for persuance of a personal injury claim."

The site is a wealth of information & help-please study carefully before taking any action-they'll help you w/this.

Hope this helps-your in my thoughts & prayers-let us know what happens. Your not alone.

Luv, Serephim ~/~
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Re: I'm being bullied at work and it's making me ill

Postby bulldogbabe » Mon Apr 28, 2014 2:27 pm

Chihuahua.

Please do not give up, you are not alone, although it may feel like it.

I am also being bullied at work and know how much it can affect you and seep into all parts of your life.

The bullies are the ones with mental health issues, not you.

They are weak and underconfident, this makes them act this way, they are terrified you may be better than them and will do anything to ensure other people can not see this.

Try seeing them in this light and rise above any embarassment they may cause you.

Whatever you do, do not let them win, you mention you are autistic and are working and supporting yourself, how fantastic and strong are you.

Have you tried contacting your personel department with this issue, you can bypass your immediate superiors if you feel they are against you or not helping.

Take it to the top babe and stay strong, it's not your fault and you have done nothing wrong apart from being the fantastic person you are, some people are so green with envy they can not contain their jealousy (may be worth a try, imagining them being green next time they start on you, laughing in their face won't help though LOL)

All the best and good luck with this, hopefully it will happen like in the films where the good guy wins.

Thinking of you always, Bulldogbabe
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