I would like to begin by affirming you with yes it is nightmarish, and unreasonable. My first instinct is whether or not your partner has anger management, stress or control issues, something alike that nature. I can confirm that I'm no good at diagnosis, and that is something for the experts to expand upon, so do not take it from me.
As in my previous post, if the therapist cannot comprehend your side or offer any tangible benefits for your solutions, perhaps it would be better to find one who is more sympathetic to your plight, or at least is willing to work with both of you and not just "I don't see what the problem is" which is absolute nonsense to me from your OP.
My boyfriend constantly gets angry/frustrated with me for things that I think are ridiculous.
I find them ridiculous too, and anger is unwarranted, so you are not alone. Affirmation.
He has gotten mad enough at me to yell at me or just ignore me 10 days out of the last 2 weeks.
That is pretty bad on it's own, ignore you for 10 days is working opposite to the purposes of what a standard relationship is meant for. Affirmation.
I know the things he's mad about aren't reasonable, but I'm not sure if it qualifies as bullying. It sure feels like bullying, but whenever I try to tell him to stop bullying me or being mean for no reason, he says that I'm offending him and then just ignores me for hours or days.
There is a simple definition that I follow to help with people being able to speak out. It qualifies as bullying if you feel it is. Therefore it is bullying. The latter is a sign that he either he is not aware his own behaviour is wrong, or that it is worse than the things he is getting mad about, or that he doesn't care. I tend to go with "unaware", it's impossible to know which and I try to be a positive thinker.
The times when he's not mad, he's really nice and fun to be around. I believe that he really does love me, but he's VERY immature for a 35 year old.
I would generally avoid this area, but as it's already been mentioned, there are people who can be nice and fun to be around that don't have negative excesses. Sorry if this is incorrect, but it sounds like part of you wants to excuse his bad behaviour because of the good side you fell for, it cannot be an excuse, the bad part is not excusable albeit he may need proper help.
Unrelated, I'm also 35 and immature, and not sure if you intended it to be looked at this way, but I believe that none of those things has anything to do with age, they seem personality/mentally based (e.g. he would be the same at 18 or 60). I'm single as well but it doesn't prevent me from having insights and perspectives into relationships.
We live together, so I insisted that we go to counseling because neither of us wanted to break up but we didn't want to keep fighting either.
If I read correctly, the use of we here is potentially a good sign. If he doesn't want to fight with you especially, then it is workable.
Like I said, when he's not mad he's the nicest guy ever, so he has the therapist pretty much fooled.
Sorry, I get that you are making a point about the therapist here, but again I get the impression that the good side of him skews things. People shouldn't be based on nice at all based on individual circumstances. Genocidal tyrants could probably be quite affable sometimes when not committing terrible genocides. Nice people are the ones without excesses at all, otherwise they're just "behaving normal/passive" when they are not "behaving mean". I won't argue this point as it's probably my own individual perspective and everyone has different views on things. It's just how I view it.
- I don't load/unload the dishwasher correctly
Affirmation. Ungrateful. I would be tempted to tell him to do it himself in future (joking, I know what his response would be to you).
- I didn't want to have sex because I had a yeast infection
Affirmation. Sickening for me to hear. "I didn't want to have sex", that is reason enough, you don't need a reason past that, any kind of verification, just simply not wanting to have sex.
Next time he gets his privates slammed in a door or fails to perform, you should complain about the lack of adequate sex (joking again, just giving inverse perspectives. besides he would probably still enjoy the sex..)
- I forgot to use the parking break when I parked his car
Affirmation. Anyone can do that, and you don't need someone ranting at you to make you realise it's a simple common mistake, and in fact, can make you more likely to make mistakes in future due to the constant walking on broken glass feeling that will be distracting you. My personal viewpoint, if he didn't shout at you, you would be less likely to do this in the first place. It's not something for him to get angry about, that is not what partners are for.
Next time he shouts at you, tell him he forgot to use his brain when he opened his mouth (my joke again, don't really do that, just the perspective from your and my end).
- I wanted to eat at a place that was "all the way across town" when he said I could pick wherever I wanted
Affirmation. He spoiled his own sentiment, when instead he could've made you feel more valued. *sad*
- I was cleaning the house while he was trying to relax
Affirmation. Ungrateful, as point 1, even if he was stressed, he should fight his own internal demons. Someone should teach him the meaning of being stoic in that case.
It's just always stupid things like that, and I literally beg him to just let it go, but he never will, and he just gets angrier and angrier. We actually had a discussion about all of our fighting yesterday, and he was treating me civilly, but when I recapped all the things I had "done wrong" yesterday in an attempt to illustrate how lame it sounds when they're all together, his reaction was just to say "Nobody's perfect." I couldn't believe he still thought he was justified in the way he treated me.
As above, he's unaware his own behaviour is wrong, or worse in itself than the examples he is giving for expressing his anger. If the tables were properly turned, you would be the one taking issues with his unreasonable anger outbursts, right?
It's not just the anger either, a lot of the time when we're not even fighting he just says sarcastic or nasty things just to make me feel stupid. When I try to tell him how it made me feel he just denies saying it at all or says I misinterpret everything. He never ever takes responsibility for anything he's done, and he's only apologized a handful of times in the 2 years we've been together. I find myself apologizing constantly in an attempt to get him to be nicer to me, but usually it doesn't work.
Not sure why someone would say things just to put people down, that is a red flag. Denies saying it all, is a big red flag to me! Misinterpret thing, sounds like playing the "you're over-sensitive" or "it's all your fault" cards, red flag. Almost never apologises, huge red flag. Can't comment on the self apology thing, can understand that sentiment though.
The red flags may be indicative of some mental disorder, I cannot diagnose(couldn't even self-diagnose, I'm possibly Schizoid apparently), I tend to swing towards a certain diagnosis first in situations like this but it's too easy to say that particular one, you need an actual properly informed expert. Let's just say all of those things ring bells, if you would like to pm me about it I will suggest the one I steer to but I could be incorrect- ask the experts please.
Whenever I tell him that the way he treats me makes me feel stupid or worthless or just bad, he says that I have problems and that they have nothing to do with him and then I need counseling.
But I've never felt like this with anyone else I've dated, and no one has ever treated me like this before, so I'm pretty sure he's the problem and not me.
You sound like you are doubting yourself, experiencing doubt, it is natural in this situation, don't falter, it isn't you.
What do you think????
Affirmation, seek help and advice.
Sorry for the excessively long post, I can be meticulous on an OCD scale.