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Still fighting it four years later :(

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Still fighting it four years later :(

Postby sacred_unspoken » Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:40 pm

this could trigger y'all, so please use caution while reading as it contains some horrendous things about my bullying experience.


I have been to four schools in my life - two elementary schools and two high schools, at both of the schools I have been severely bullied. Now, I am 22 now and have been out of school since 2008 but I a, still struggling with the memories.

In elementary school, the teachers raped me and sold me to people for Xesual purposes, they also gave me drugs and mind controlled me. My principals were the ones who initiated this. They told me if I told my parents that they would kill them, so I kept my mouth shut. They said they did this to me because I am a Christian and love Jesus... They didn't want me to be a Christian and tried to force me to deny Jesus and when I wouldn't, they raped me and made me do bad things. They also made me sit in diaraherra and stuff like that :/

I then became homeschooled after my parents saw the diaraherra (I still hadn't told them what was happening because I was only eight when I got out of that school)

However, in 2004, I went to a public high school and became the target for bullying again. This time it was mostly from the students - and once again, because of my faith. The students started out by throwing things at me, calling me names, and saying i was a Jesus freak - but then they began to do more. Every day I started to fear for my life, I dealt with the students giving me death threats and actually, bringing guns to school and threatening to kill me...the counselors would just laugh at me and call me names, said it was no big deal. I began to have panic attacks and got severe PTSD. Students began to molest me and Xesually abuse me at the school...it was horrible. Well, my senior year, I switched to a private school and they did the same thing, I had death threats etc. there.


Now, it's been four years but I still am scared of people; petrified really. I have done very little in the last four years - I did get ordained and I do have a ministry that I do full time now - but I live in constant terror. The other day during the shootings in conn. I was so triggered and shook for hours. :(


I just needed to share my story, I hope it's okay that I did. I am just struggling with the memories.
A broken and contrite heart, He cannot despise.
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Re: Still fighting it four years later :(

Postby Ada » Sat Dec 22, 2012 1:02 pm

Yes, this is a good place to share. And I'm glad you were able to. What happened to you was truly awful.

I wouldn't write off "getting ordained and having a ministry" as doing very little. I've been told it involves significant amounts of work and love. Good for you for doing that! Do you have other forms of support now? Either through your church or through a secular therapist? And friends and family?
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.


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Re: Still fighting it four years later :(

Postby sacred_unspoken » Sun Dec 23, 2012 12:52 am

Ada wrote:Yes, this is a good place to share. And I'm glad you were able to. What happened to you was truly awful.

I wouldn't write off "getting ordained and having a ministry" as doing very little. I've been told it involves significant amounts of work and love. Good for you for doing that! Do you have other forms of support now? Either through your church or through a secular therapist? And friends and family?

Hi ada, well, no as therapists have abused me, too. I usually get support through my best friend who is like a big brother to me :) thank you for caring for my post :)
A broken and contrite heart, He cannot despise.
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