The Other Side

Hi friends,

It is safe to say that I am no longer binging and purging anymore. I have completely removed extreme dieting, laxative abuse, and throwing up from my life. In the process, however, I have gained.

I absolutely hate my body right now.

Any kind of positive self-talk only makes me angry and hate myself more. I'm still isolating myself. Nothing ######6 fits. I feel like I am at Ground Zero.

I am very resentful against my boyfriend because he was the one who urged me to stop my behavior.

So I guess I'm back on here, because I need advice on how to keep moving forward despite all these roadblocks. Thanks guys.

Alibee

Hi Alibee,
I sure wish that I had some great advice to give to you. I was actually just changing my clothes and looked at myself and thought "You had a better body before." And much like you no amount of positive self-talk is helpful.

What was helpful may sound kind of odd, but it did seem to work a bit. When nothing fits and you cannot possibly feel attractive because you have nothing cute to wear that makes things so much worse. When you squeeze yourself into something that used to fit and feel the clothing pinching and binding, that is a constant reminder of the loss of your old self.

I found that beginning to buy things that did fit, made things easier. At firs the horror of buying a larger size seemed worse, but honestly once I had a few things that looked cute and I felt comfortable in, things were better.

Hi Ali,

Priscilla had a really good point about getting new clothes that fit properly. Getting dressed without worrying if the clothing fits removes one major obstacle in the day. I kept my "skinny" clothes faaaar too long and it was just fuel to hate myself more.

I can only speak for myself, but I find that the more busy my life becomes, the easier it gets to refocus my attention on something other than putting myself down. Do you have anything you can throw yourself into & grow with?

If you're safe with exercise, a quick session might boost your mood. It releases endorphins and all that good stuff. Just make sure it doesn't trigger you, though!