Thank you so much for your replies! I really appreciate it!
So, I decided to make last night my last time to purge and ate healthy today without having the urge to purge! I understand that it has only been 24 hours, but I decided to write a book about my experience with this horrible eating disorder.
I found that it really helps to type out how it started and see my patterns and how I can learn to love myself just the way I am. For starters, I NEVER allow myself to let candy settle down my tummy...Last night, I ate Twix before bed and let it settle! I did however workout hard today and ate healthy! The big eye opener for me was that I let the sugar digest down to my tummy without feeling shame.
I know that it has only been one day and I have tried to stop before, but writing out my feelings, coming on here, and talking about with my therapist will be a solid beginning to a happy ending I hope.
Kevin, I think allowing yourself is the important key to success because I think depriving yourself of what you want will only make you want it more. Once, you find out what you are truly depriving yourself from will help you understand what you truly want and how to get there. It is amazing that you have come this far and to not attach yourself to the "bad" about it.
Skydancer, I love your idea about "safe foods" and accepting your weight gain. To go from not standing anything in your body at all to accepting your new weight gain is a huge improvement! That is awesome and I am so happy for you!
As for me, I am taking it day by day, but have intentions of overcoming this illness because my love for myself is there....