I used to binge and purge once a week and now EVERYDAY!

Hi

Last week i was the translator for a fantastic course of music and dance, i was so happy and surrounded by love, joy and positivity that i didn't even think once of binging and purging. It was such a great time.

ALone now at home again there is nothing to do and boredom is making the vicious cycles attractive again but i'm trying to replace the thoughts with those of self-love. I keep looking in the mirror trying to find things i like about myself. It's much easier than in the past and really i look better with the extra weight. All was ok until my BF got hold of a newly formed roll of fat and commented on it. He actually said he liked it but it made me feel disgusting. Especially as he is 3 cms and 3kgs smaller than me. He says he;s trying to put on weight but he's actually i think borderline ED. He says he has a high metabolism and it's true but when we go out he eats very little.

Anyway. I loved what you said about what you think will affect your mood in 5 minutes. It's so true. I'm just thinking about chips now - ha ha ha, wonder how i'll feel in 5 minutes. An apple wasn't enough but it's all i've got in the house so it'll have to do. If i get takeaway it will make me feel bad or i'll have to purge so it's best to go to bed hungry i guess.

How are you doing?

Sky