Stopped dieting - now want to eat all the time

The background is I've struggled on and off with Bulimia and Anorexia for 10 years.

I relapsed badly a year ago when a relationship ended, first Anorexia then later bulimia. I pulled myself together eventually and have patched up my life, and am happier than ever. Apart from my bulimic demon.

I originally lost a lot of weight, then regained it, plus a few pounds. To be honest I think those pounds are muscle as I've taken up running, pole dancing and aerial silks as new hobbies (I run for obstacle races, not calorie burn). I fit the same clothes and am much stronger. But I am obsessed with that. I was trying to lose it healthily for months but b/ps a few times a week inevitably followed by a binge meant I maintained instead.

I recently decided to pack it in. I'm a healthy weight and I just want to recover. I've been chasing professional help for almost a year but it doesn't seem to be coming. So anyway, I've stopped weighing and counting calories, but sometimes all I want to do is eat. I'm not hungry but I just want to eat and then end up binging. I seem to be able to stop
Myself from purging easily enough but not binging.

Basically I don't know whether to just eat when I want to eat, even if I'm not hungry, incase I'm rebelling against the fact that I've been restricting my intake for a year, and therefore if I do just eat what I want then maybe these urges will go...or am I just headed for BED instead and do I need to work on resisting these urges when they come?

I've found if I give in right away, generally a snack is enough but the longer I resist, the bigger the binge is when it comes. But I'm terrified I'll gain weight.

Generally I eat pretty healthy but let myself have some unhealthy food in moderation, usually some chocolate after dinner, and even when I was trying to lose weight, I was eating what
Most people my height and size would maintain on as I'm much more active than most people (active job and active hobbies).

Hi, sorry to hear about your struggle. I have similar issues but i dont binge when im not hungry...however i restrict a lot and then i get shaky and low sugar and i need to eat...and i eat too much, and then i purge. Because you mentioned eating when you are not hungry, is it possible that losing weight is on the back of your mind and you feel pressured? This often tends to bring the opposite reaction - which is binging.

You seem to have reached the point of being completely exhausted and ruined, and now just want to be through with it and to recover.

Physically speaking.. you've made a truce with your body. And now you're taking a break and formulating a new plan here.

Mentally, you are stuck in these destructive thought patterns. And you are missing out on opportunity for real fulfillment and happiness because of this.

Emotionally... you are not at peace, you still deceive yourself. By making false promises with yourself, and renegotiating your emotions.

Spiritually, you are very strict on yourself... you have an absolute conviction for following the letter of the law, the way things must be, and you demand complete obedience from yourself.

.

I feel ya there. I have recently gone into reocvery myself. I have been dealing with mostly restricting to the point of binge/purge out of pure starvation. Since recovery has begun, I find myself eating non stop due to the loss of control when not hungry and then I binge and purge regardless. It is extremely destructive and hard to deal with, but we will get there On the right path anyway.

Oh, I sympathize so much. I'm only 19, and after moving out of the family home and heading off to college a year ago, my life had stabilized. I can't/won't go into an official form of treatment until I'm out of school and living off my own income, but I've been in a stable and incredibly supportive relationship for well over a year now, and being out on my own has removed a lot of the stresses that were exacerbating my ED back at home. I've been doing very, very well for at least 10 months.

Until, hello, balancing a horrible summer class with helping my mother recover from back surgery, and suddenly I can't stop eating. Usually if I binged one night, the urge would fade afterwards and I'd be okay with that. When my ED was fully in control of me, I'd binge only for a short period of time and then "make up for it" by restricting. Now I'm feeling the binge urge come over me almost every night.

I don't know whether to let myself go through this period, or resist. If I ignore the urge anxiety crashes down, which makes me think its an unhealthy desire, but...ugh.

Im-pure wrote:Hi, sorry to hear about your struggle. I have similar issues but i dont binge when im not hungry...however i restrict a lot and then i get shaky and low sugar and i need to eat...and i eat too much

This is me.

The problem is that to be skinny (rather than just 'slim') some degree of serious restriction is necessary, which means this cycle is impossible to break if skinny is your goal. I live in this hell due to being a perfectionist.