Hi! So roughly an year ago, I had a brief psychotic episode (my doctor called it a 'euphoric reaction') as a result of taking LSD. I was quite delusional with little to no insight and I used to believe that I could control things like the weather, what was on TV was totally related to me and a consequence of my thinking, that I was on a pathway to enlightment and I had to deal with my past daemons in order to reach that state etc. etc. all the delusional 'works'....
This lasted for roughly 3 months in which I had little to no insight into what was going on with me and fully accepted the fact that I can control things outside my mind merely by thinking about it . I never took anti-psychotics and gained insight into my condition on my own by talking to myself and disentangling all the delusions until the point I returned to 'reality'. Since then, I have developed a huge level of anxiety related to the possibility of returning to that state. I started having intrusive images of me being already schizophrenic or of shadows eating me while also being unable to shake the thought that I am going schizophrenic whatever any doctor would have said... All of this lead me to a subsequent period of 2-3 months of depression... Now, I still have those intrusive images but they usually lack content - random flashes of light, or random abstract images of nothing. When they do have content, they are just unexplainable scary faces, screams (which are merely thoughts, like, I don't really hear them or anything), or just a jumble of random images of what I did in a previous day (when going to sleep, especially).
I am verrry paranoid and hyper-vigilant to the point that it is ruining my life. For example, when I hear something, I think that it might be only in my head (even if it is not)... I have never had any 'real' hallucinations during the psychotic episode, nor afterwards...
However, I feel that my mind is basically trying to convince me that I am becoming schizophrenic, for whatever reason, by creating all these scary things for me to deal with....
With relation to my delusions, I still get weird ideas in my mind sometimes....For example, if I am tired and stressed out and someone looks at me, I think that they might have looked at me because they know what I am thinking about...But it's like an 'automatic' thought, something more akin to a feeling, actually. I don't believe in any of these things in any way, though...
I also get distracted by random objects around me, especially if I remember how a year ago, they 'meant' something for me. While I don't believe any of these delusional thoughts, they cause me a lot of distress and reinforce my thinking that I might return to a psychotic state. I am really happy with my life at the moment and I really don't want to lose contact with reality again....